IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries people are now living longer than ever before. Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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In some
Use synonyms
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 is not equal
interms
Correct your spelling
in terms
 of the
varaity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of
agieng
Correct your spelling
ageing
.
This
Linking Words
 leads to
unbalanced
Correct article usage
an unbalanced
show examples
 type of race which
influance
Correct your spelling
influences
 the
developement
Correct your spelling
development
 of
teh
Correct your spelling
the
countries
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 the cost, they may spend in some sectors. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will present my
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
 and the reasons why I believe ageing is a problmatic.
Fristly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
,
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
Use synonyms
 are living longer without any productivity in their
countries
Use synonyms
. They need special care and
assistence
Correct your spelling
assistance
. hospitals and
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
 houses are ineed for puplic help and support
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
 to find
volunters
Correct your spelling
volunteers
 to help with the increasing
number
Use synonyms
 of
those
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 type of population.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the
cos
Correct your spelling
cost
 of their care is very expensive and demanding.
For example
Linking Words
, Japan is one of the
countries
Use synonyms
 that reported that
this
Linking Words
 problem is critical in their country
due to
Linking Words
 the high
range
Check wording
proportion
show examples
 of
old
Correct word choice
elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe
this
Linking Words
proble
Correct your spelling
problem
 is critical.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
countries
Use synonyms
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 have huge issue interms of
develpment
Correct your spelling
development
 and
reforming
Wrong verb form
reform
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
 If the
edery percent
Correct your spelling
elderly per cent
 in the
countries
Use synonyms
exceed
Correct subject-verb agreement
exceeds
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of youth,
this
Linking Words
 will
defenatily
Correct your spelling
definitely
 affect the economy and the future
if
Use the right word
of
show examples
 the nation in general.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will suffer from the problem of ageing.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
show examples
 may lead young
people
Use synonyms
 to abandon their land to find
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 place to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. In my humble
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I agree that ageing is
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
influance
Correct your spelling
influence
 in some
countries
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the
number
Use synonyms
 of elderly
needs
Check wording
people needs
show examples
 special
life
Check wording
care
show examples
 with certain features.
This
Linking Words
 is demanding in most
coutries
Correct your spelling
countries
 and
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 the
inbalanced sociaties
Correct your spelling
imbalanced societies
.

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task response
Answer all parts of the question. You talk mostly about problems, but you need to talk about good points too and say clearly which side is stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea clear in each body paragraph. Start with one clear topic sentence, then add support.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like First, Second, For example, As a result, and In conclusion.
task response
Give one or two clear examples that directly fit your point. The Japan example is useful, but it needs more detail.
task response
Avoid repeating the same idea about cost and problems. Add a wider range of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Your position is mostly clear: you think ageing brings more problems.
task response
You use one relevant country example to support your view.
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