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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it must also always be difficult in some way. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is thought by some people that an enjoyable pastime
activity
Use synonyms
 needs to be hard in nature. I believe it to be untrue because having a simple
hobby
Use synonyms
 is a much more enjoyable experience. An easy-to-follow favourite
activity
Use synonyms
 fits well in today’s stressful life. Since work life nowadays is very hectic and stressful, an easy
activity
Use synonyms
 is more likely to make people happy and could lower their stress.
While
Linking Words
 for something hard, they have to try multiple times
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 could lead to more frustration. They could end up feeling stressed,
instead
Linking Words
 of
relief
Verb problem
finding relief
show examples
 by indulging in a difficult
hobby
Use synonyms
. Having an accessible
hobby
Use synonyms
 is convenient both
physical
Replace the word
physically
 and financially. Complex hobbies usually require proper training
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as in swimming, which means a lot of
efforts
Check wording
effort
show examples
 and money need to be put just to learn that
activity
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
,
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 benefit could be availed with alternatives like playing football. So, for
enjoyment
Add a comma
enjoyment,
show examples
 a simpler
activity
Use synonyms
 should be done. Consistency is another benefit of having a simple
hobby
Use synonyms
. Since
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 mind has the tendency to give up if
they have
Fix the agreement mistake
it has
show examples
 to put a lot of efforts in any
activity
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 if things are easier to
follow
Punctuation problem
follow,
show examples
 people are more likely to indulge on a regular basis as they get a sense of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 by doing these tasks.
This
Linking Words
 makes having a simpler
hobby
Use synonyms
 imperative to continue it over an extended period.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it can be said that a simple
hobby
Use synonyms
 should be selected because
this
Linking Words
 brings benefits like more relaxation, consistency, and no need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 specialised training.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and you give your opinion from the start. To get a higher score, explain each main idea more fully.
task response
For task response, add one or two real and clear examples. This will make your points stronger and easier to trust.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, body, and end. This is good. To improve more, link some ideas more smoothly between paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some sentences are not fully clear or natural. Keep sentence order simple and make sure each sentence follows the one before it well.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some support is general. Develop each paragraph with one main point and a clear reason or example.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same opinion all the way through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, three body parts, and a conclusion, so the reader can follow your plan well.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, such as stress, cost, and doing the hobby again and again.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of accomplishment
  • overcoming obstacles
  • gratifying
  • continuous source of enjoyment
  • relaxing activities
  • unwind and de-stress
  • counterproductive
  • mental break
  • subjective
  • personal preference
What to do next:
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