IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, children start attending school at the age of four, while in other countries they begin at the age of seven. At what age do children in your country usually start school? What age do you think is the best for children to begin school? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
In many
countries
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
 start attending
school
Use synonyms
 at the
age
Use synonyms
 of four,
while
Linking Words
 in other
countries
Use synonyms
 they begin at the
age
Use synonyms
 of seven. Different
countries
Use synonyms
 have different rules, but in India,
students
Use synonyms
 start attending
school
Use synonyms
 at the
age
Use synonyms
 of three
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 parents believe that their minds develop more at an early
age
Use synonyms
. I believe that
students
Use synonyms
 should start attending
school
Use synonyms
 at the
age
Use synonyms
 of five.
This
Linking Words
 is because they can learn about their cultural values and beliefs.
Body · 1
One major reason for attending
school
Use synonyms
 at a later
age
Use synonyms
 is learning about
culture
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because they do not spend enough time with their family to learn about their
culture
Use synonyms
 and traditions.
For example
Linking Words
, recent studies show that
students
Use synonyms
 who start attending
school
Use synonyms
 have little to no knowledge about their moral values and beliefs.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 starting attending
school
Use synonyms
 at an earlier
age
Use synonyms
 have less knowledge of their
culture
Use synonyms
.
Body · 2
Home
Use synonyms
 tutoring is another reason for attending
school
Use synonyms
 late.
This
Linking Words
 means that
children
Use synonyms
 can learn to read and write the basic alphabet and numbers at
home
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 helps them build confidence and score better in academics.
For instance
Linking Words
, parents who start teaching their
children
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
 have more confidence and perform better in academic as compare who start at an early
age
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 perform better in academics at
school
Use synonyms
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 in some
countries
Use synonyms
 start attending
school
Use synonyms
 at the
age
Use synonyms
 of four or seven, they may lack basic knowledge about their
culture
Use synonyms
. And I believe that
home
Use synonyms
 tutoring helps them to gain writing skills.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both questions more directly. Say clearly what age children start school in your country and why age five is best.
task response
Give fuller reasons. Your ideas are clear, but they need more detail to feel strong and complete.
task response
Use examples that are more exact and easy to believe. One real or clear example is better than a very broad one.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a simpler order. Each body part should have one main point and then one example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences jump too fast, so add clear small links like 'because', 'so', and 'for this reason'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form. A few lines are hard to follow because of missing or weak parts.
task response
You answered the topic and gave your opinion about the best age.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples to support your main ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: