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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows statistics about the top five countries for international tourism in 2012 and 2013.

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The bar chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
preferred
Correct pronoun usage
who preferred
show examples
 six different types of courses in a university in 2012.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 chose
Social
Correct article usage
the Social
show examples
 Science
course
Use synonyms
.
By
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 the
number
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 of
students
Use synonyms
 who chose
Agriculture
Correct article usage
the Agriculture
show examples
course
Use synonyms
 was the lowest in the given year.
While
Linking Words
 4000 female
students
Use synonyms
 chose
Social
Correct article usage
the Social
show examples
 Science
course
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
in terms
Change preposition
compared to the number
show examples
 of male
students
Use synonyms
, it can be accounted
by
Change preposition
for by
show examples
 just below 3000.
However
Linking Words
, more male
students
Use synonyms
 chose Enguneering
course
Use synonyms
 (almost 2100) compared to
female
Check wording
the number of female
show examples
 was 1000 of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
students
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, around 800 male
students
Use synonyms
 chose
health
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
course
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
; the
show examples
this
Linking Words
 figure for
female
Check wording
females
show examples
 was higher
at
Punctuation problem
, at
show examples
 around less than 2000. For the remaining courses, the
number
Use synonyms
 of female
students
Use synonyms
 chose Humanities
Use synonyms
course
Check wording
courses
show examples
 at about 1800 considerable higher than male accounting for 1000
students
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, around 1300 male
students
Use synonyms
 chose Science and math
Use synonyms
course
Check wording
courses
show examples
, which was higher than
female
Check wording
the number of female
show examples
at
Check wording
students at
show examples
 nearly 800
students
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of male and female
students
Use synonyms
 chose
Agriculture
Correct article usage
the Agriculture
show examples
course
Use synonyms
 at almost 300.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students, course with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tourist arrivals
  • influx of tourists
  • economic impact
  • job creation
  • infrastructure development
  • revenue generation
  • geographical distribution
  • popular destination
  • regional analysis
  • natural attractions
  • cultural heritage
  • seasonal trends
  • tourism patterns
  • climatic conditions
  • tourism preferences
  • adventure tourism
  • eco-tourism
  • cultural tourism
  • holiday seasons
  • local events
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