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Writing Samples
Band 5

Advertising has become an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is a negative one. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 assert that advertisement has become a positive part of their
lives
Punctuation problem
lives,
show examples
while
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 others say that
it is
Fix the agreement mistake
they are
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 a negative
one
Check wording
part
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and provide my opinion. To start with, the first given opinion is that adverts are beneficial. There are a lot of different forms of promotion
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as posters, electronic and graphic ads,
inspirational
Correct word choice
and inspirational
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 quotes. They all help in many different ways.
For example
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, they spread awareness and inform about the current affairs around the world,
as well as
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 introduce the newest trends and innovations.
Also
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, they encourage creativity and give mind-opening ideas for others. What is more, the whole
multimillion
Correct word choice
multimillion-dollar
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 marketing field opens up many job opportunities
which
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, which
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 decreases the level of unemployed
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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,
another
Correct determiner usage
apply
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half of
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
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 believe that marketing has a negative impact on our lifestyle. The enormous amount of publicity and marketing that we see constantly makes most
people
Use synonyms
 feel overwhelmed and frustrated.
Consequently
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,
this
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 damages
peoples’
Check wording
people’s
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 mental health,
makes
Wrong verb form
making
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 it harder for them to concentrate.
Secondly
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, it encourages
people
Use synonyms
 with
week
Use the right word
weak
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 will to spend more money.
Well made
Correct your spelling
Well-made
 advertisements can really persuade you to buy something that you do not actually need
and
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, and
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that is
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 how the unnecessary expenses affect your budget.
Finally
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, it is incredibly hard to come up with original and eye-catching ideas because everything is either already on the market or
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will not be effective. That complicates the development of brand new companies.
To sum up
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, having considered both
views
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views,
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 I would say that advertising makes our lives more interesting and fulfilled
which
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, which
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 creates
the
Correct article usage
a
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 positive impact. The downsides
like
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, like
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 psychological problems, unnecessary expenses and lack of
creativity
Punctuation problem
creativity,
show examples
 can easily ruin the mindset, but if you find how to overcome these problems,
then
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advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
 can benefit you.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully and make your own view stronger in the end.
task response
Use one or two clear real life examples to support your ideas.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Explain them a bit more.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Linking is mostly clear, but some sentences are long and a bit hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each part and develop it step by step.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion.
task response
Your main position is clear in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well organized into paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear linking words like 'To start with', 'On the other hand', and 'To sum up'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • manipulative tactics
  • brand loyalty
  • target audience
  • consumer awareness
  • economic impact
  • social issues
  • materialism
  • persuasive techniques
  • unrealistic expectations
  • mental health
  • consumer spending
  • brand image
  • societal values
  • awareness campaigns
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