Being a celebrity can bring many benefits and problems. What are the problems and what solutions can be taken?

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The question of whether being famous is beneficial or detrimental is a matter of heated debate.
This
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essay will examine both perspectives and mention the issues and their solutions based on logical reasoning. It is undeniable that there are numerous demerits to being famous,
such
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as social media pressure, the loss of anonymity, and the perfection trap. Famous people are forced to live under the global spotlight.
This
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leads celebrities to experience psychological problems, namely panic attacks, anxiety, and a feeling of burden. In a particular agency,
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, a vast majority of famous people reported that they were experiencing several mental issues regarding public backlash.
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, there are several measures to mitigate
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problem to a minimum. Interventions
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as applying censorship to harmful media content, maintaining the privacy of well-known persons, and
organizing
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organising
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societal welfare programs are vital to preserve a sustainable ecosystem.
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, in Finland, the government implements numerous incentives aimed at increasing celebrities' welfare.
To conclude
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, there are certain benefits to being famous,
while
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the drawbacks are equally significant. Owing to several implementations, it might be easier to create a correlation between celebrity welfare and public opinion.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. You need to show the problems and the solutions in a more direct way.
task response
Your ideas are clear in parts, but some points are too general. Add one more clear detail for each main point.
task response
Your examples are a bit weak. Try to use a more clear and direct example that strongly supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. But the first paragraph says 'both perspectives', and this does not fit the question well.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. Some links are good, but the whole line of ideas can be smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each body paragraph has one main idea and then support it fully before moving to the next idea.
task response
You answered the topic and wrote about problems and solutions.
task response
You gave some examples, such as social media pressure and Finland.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow most of the time.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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