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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the results of a survey and shows factors affecting work performance

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The presented chart provides information
of
Change preposition
on
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 the results of a questionnaire about the factors
which are affecting
Wrong verb form
that affect
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 work performance.
Overall
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 can be seen that money is the main factor for both age groups at about 70 answers,
while
Linking Words
 work
environment
Use synonyms
 impacts all people the least. For the age gap between 18-
30
Add a comma
30,
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 the main requirements are chances for personal
developments
Check wording
development
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,
relaxed
Correct article usage
a relaxed
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 working
environment
Use synonyms
 and promotion prospects
where
Punctuation problem
, where
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 they all stand at around 80 to 90
number of opinions
Check wording
per cent
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, for employees aged 45-
60
Add a comma
60,
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 these factors are drastically less relevant and only 35-45 voted. Team spirit, competent boss, respect from colleagues, job satisfaction, work
environment
Use synonyms
 and money stand almost equally for both types of respondents. The biggest opinion difference is on a relaxed working
environment
Use synonyms
 and
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 for personal development, where the results differ by 50 responses between the groups of interviewees. For the older
part of
Check wording
apply
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participants of the
survey
Add a comma
survey,
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 the least significant factor is job security
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 for the younger ones

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words environment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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