Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well-educated today. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Visual form of entertainment is seen as a replacement
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books
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for books
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to provide education currently, which is why most of the children are struggling in education. I believe that it is disastrous to replace
books
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with screens because it is now distracting
students
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from their studies and rarely provides verified knowledge.
Initially
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, computers and TVs were introduced to children in order to make them understand technological advancement.
However
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, it did not result in the development of the
students
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but rather made them addicted to it.
This
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is because most of the teenagers started watching television to get entertained and not for educational purposes.
For instance
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, educational programs on visual media don't engage much traffic , but channels depicting cartoons or movies are much more popular with kids.
As a result
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, the majority of the time which should be used to gain knowledge is,
therefore
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, getting wasted.
Additionally
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, most of the videos do not provide accurate information to the viewers, and, in fact, many times , are based on fake propaganda
which
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, which
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could be assumed as true.
This
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results in
students
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getting unverified or falsified information
lacking
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, lacking
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accuracy.
For example
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, in many countries,
such
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as India, news media present false information as it is not independent and is under the influence of the government. Teenagers believe it to be the truth because it has replaced
books
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as a source of providing relevant knowledge. In conclusion, television is no alternative to hard copy materials
,
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apply
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to be used in providing education to
students
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. It will never achieve the level of relevance and certainty of the
books
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.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You agree, but you can say this in a more direct way.
task response
Add one more clear idea about why books help learning better. This will make your answer more full.
task response
Your examples are good, but explain them a bit more to show how they link to children and learning.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not smooth. Use simple words like 'first', 'also', 'so', and 'because' in a more natural way.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are long and hard to follow. Break them into two shorter sentences.
task response
You answer the question and keep to the topic all through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
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