IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people say that globalisation and the growing number of multinational companies have a negative effect on the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The rapid expansion of globalisation and the dominance of multinational corporations (MNCs) are frequently cited as the primary catalysts for environmental degradation. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
show examples
 I agree that the pursuit of profit on a global scale has led to significant ecological damage
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I believe
thatInternationalisation
Correct your spelling
that internationalisation
 provides the essential framework for international cooperation and technological innovation required to solve these issues. On the one hand, the negative environmental footprint of globalism is undeniable. The primary driver is the "race to the bottom" phenomenon, where MNCs relocate their manufacturing hubs to developing nations with lax environmental regulations.
This
Linking Words
 allows for massive production at a lower cost but often results in severe local pollution and habitat destruction.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Integration relies on intricate global supply chains that necessitate the long-distance transport of goods via shipping and aviation.
This
Linking Words
 logistical network contributes immensely to global carbon emissions and the depletion of fossil fuels.
For instance
Linking Words
, a single smartphone may contain components sourced from five different continents, creating a massive carbon footprint before it even reaches the consumer.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is a mistake to view Interdependence solely as an environmental villain. The interconnectedness of the modern world allows for the rapid dissemination of green technology and sustainable practices. When a multinational company develops a more efficient solar panel or a waste-reduction technique, Interdependence ensures these innovations can be implemented worldwide almost instantly.
Moreover
Linking Words
, international trade agreements now increasingly include "green clauses," forcing developing nations to adopt stricter environmental standards to participate in the global market. The rise of global environmental movements, facilitated by the internet,
also
Linking Words
 holds these mega-corporations accountable through international boycotts and brand transparency. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the industrial scale of market
liberalization
Change the spelling
liberalisation
show examples
 and the profit-driven nature of MNCs have undoubtedly strained the planet’s resources, Westernisation is
also
Linking Words
 our most potent tool for recovery. To what extent we succeed depends not on reversing cultural convergence, but on re-engineering it to prioritise sustainability over short-term gain.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main view more clear in the first part. You say you agree, but later you also say globalisation can help. Tell the reader how much you agree in a more direct way.
coherence cohesion
Use the same key word through the essay. You change from globalisation to many other words. Some are not natural here and this can make your meaning less clear.
coherence cohesion
Fix sentence errors in the first paragraph. One long sentence is joined by a comma, and one word has no space. These small problems hurt clear flow.
task response
Add one more clear example in the second body paragraph. The idea is good, but it needs a more real and direct case to fully support it.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas inside some sentences more simply. A few lines are dense, so the reader must work hard to follow your point.
task response
You answer the question all the way through and keep your ideas on the same topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
task response
You support your first main point with a clear example about a smartphone supply chain.
coherence cohesion
The contrast between the bad side and the good side is easy to see because of your paragraphing.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalisation = the process of the world becoming more connected
  • multinational company = a big company that works in many countries
  • environment = the natural world around us
  • pollution = dirty air, water, or land
  • carbon emissions = gases released into the air from fuel
  • transport = moving goods or people from one place to another
  • factory = a building where goods are made
  • mass production = making a very large number of products
  • packaging = paper, plastic, or boxes used to cover products
  • waste = unwanted material that is thrown away
  • environmental law = a rule to protect nature
  • weak regulation = not strong control by the government
  • supply chain = the steps from making a product to selling it
  • renewable energy = energy from the sun, wind, or water
  • recycling = using old materials again
  • efficient = able to do something well with less waste
  • climate change = long-term changes in weather and temperature
  • natural resources = useful things from nature like water, trees, and oil
  • sustainable = able to continue without harming nature
  • consumer demand = how much people want to buy something
What to do next:
Look at other essays: