Some people belive that robots are very important to human’s future development, whilw others believe they are dangerous and negatively affect society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The
breaktrough
Correct your spelling
breakthrough
of robots
are
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is
show examples
necessary relating to the future
technology
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of human
being
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beings
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, but it
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also
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is also
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followed by high risks for communities. I believe that behind the positive existence of robots for society, it still
need
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needs
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specific
law
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laws
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to control the frequency of
this
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technology
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. Nowadays,
technology
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, which
helped
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has helped
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people
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's work develops rapidly. One of the
example
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examples
show examples
of
this
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technology
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is
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robot
Correct article usage
a robot
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, which
also
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emerges in most
people
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around the world. Without
this
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technology
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,
people
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will
highly
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apply
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struggle to do the job or finish a simple task
along
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throughout
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the day.
For instance
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, having
smartphone
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a smartphone
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, which
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also
Verb problem
is also
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involved
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used
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as a
robot
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, will give
people
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the latest information that
obviously
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is obviously
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useful, especially
who
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those who
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are connected with the latest
update
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updated
information. In other
side
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hand
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, behind the positive impact of
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robot
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robots
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in
people
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's
life
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lives
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, there are several
bunch of
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apply
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negative
effect
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effects
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that potentially affect
the
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apply
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human development in the future. One of the
example
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examples
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is, if
people
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put much of their life
only for
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into
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this
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technology
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, they will suffer
their
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in their
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social life. Nowadays, the sign has
exist
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existed
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in developed
country
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countries
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,
for
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instance
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instance,
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they have been more screen time in smartphone rather than spending much
in
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time in
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social
like
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activities like
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making
the
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apply
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common
conversation
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conversations
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with friends or
neighborhood
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neighbours
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.
This
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phenomenon leads to
the
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apply
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mental health issues, which highly risks in teenagers with high percentage of
people
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in certain
country
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countries
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.
Therefore
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, managing the age law of using smartphone need to be considered.
To conclude
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,
despite the
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although
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robot
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technology
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has
bunch
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a bunch
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benefits
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of benefits
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for
people
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, especially in
human's
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human
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future development, it
also
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give negative impact
for
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on
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people
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,
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apply
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who cannot manage it properly.
Therefore
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, the specific law, which is
under age
Correct your spelling
under-age
permission need to be considered.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. You talk about good and bad points, but the first side is not fully explained.
task response
Give your opinion in a more direct way. Say clearly why you support control of robots.
task response
Use more clear examples. The phone example is not a strong match for robots.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like 'on the one hand', 'on the other hand', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with one clear reason and one clear example.
task response
You discuss both good and bad sides of robots.
task response
Your opinion is present in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas follow a basic order.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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