IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You can get up-to-date news from the radio, TV and the Internet. Which kind of media do you think is the best to get the news?

#news #radio #tv #internet #media
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In
this
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 present
world
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, the media is a very powerful tool to get new
information
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. In
time
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the
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 past, most
people
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 depended on the radio for the newest
information
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. Nowadays,
people
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 can get to hear the latest
news
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 from different media platforms.
However
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, It is discernible that the appropriate means one can get to hear the latest
news
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 is the
internet
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. Analysing the
dominance
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dominant
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 effect of the numerous social media platforms,
as well as
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 the addictive nature of the
internet
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 will prove
this
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.
First,
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almost everyone in the
world
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 today has a social
news
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 account.
For instance
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, there are over 200
people
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 in my workplace. Almost everyone has two or three social
news
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 accounts. The majority are on the popular platform called Facebook. Surprisingly, the
internet
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 is undoubtedly the suitable place
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people
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for people
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 can get the newest
information
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 in our
world
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 today.
Secondly
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, a lot of
people
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 nowadays spend an enormous time surfing the
internet
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 as it is very addictive.
For example
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, numerous
people
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 spend considerable time surfing the
internet
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 for various reasons. From school children to adults alike, everybody is addicted to the web. One social
information
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 platform
that is
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 very contagious is TikTok.
Therefore
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,
this
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 makes it clear that the
internet
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 is the best place to fish for the freshest
news
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. In summary, the dominant nature of the
internet
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 in our dispensation makes it clear that
people
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 can get the latest
information
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 from the web. Radio and TV have become out of moded in our days. It is predictable that the
internet
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 will rule the
world
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 tomorrow making the radio and TV obsolete.
Submitted by emmasiedu86 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the position and outlines the main points that will be discussed. This will provide a clearer framework for your essay and enhance coherence.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided to further illustrate your points and strengthen your argument. For instance, describe how exactly social media platforms like Facebook and TikTok deliver news compared to traditional media.
language use
Avoid repetition and redundancy by varying the vocabulary used to describe 'the internet' and its features. This can make the essay more engaging and reduce monotony.
task achievement
Consider balancing the discussion by acknowledging some benefits of radio and TV. This can provide a more comprehensive perspective and strengthen your position by addressing potential counterarguments.
task achievement
Effective use of examples with specific reference to popular platforms like Facebook and TikTok that illustrates the main argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is clear with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, ensuring a cohesive flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the argument and reinforces the main points, emphasizing the predicted future dominance of the internet.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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