It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweighs the disadvantage.

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In recent years, there
is
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has been
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a common statement towards the importance of the person taking
risks
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, both in professional lives and personal lives.
While
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taking
risks
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has several advantages, it
also
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presents notable disadvantages.
This
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essay argues that the benefits of taking
risks
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are outweighed by the drawbacks. The most significant advantage of
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risk taking
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risk-taking
is
the
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that the
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higher
risks
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, the higher
returns
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the return
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.
This
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means that
risks
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come with reasonable advantages
such
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as
money
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, connections, and career opportunities.
For example
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, an amount of
money
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invested in
stock
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the stock
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market or business shares directly relates to the return
of
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on
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investments. The more
money
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you invest, the more
money
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you earn.
Nevertheless
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, investing in
stock
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the stock
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market and business shares requires thorough research and related necessary information in order to be
expertise
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an expert
and efficient.
On the other hand
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, one of the main drawbacks of taking
risks
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is the chance of getting an unacceptable outcome.Without well-planned
risk
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assessment and
risk
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management, the
risk
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taker may experience a financial crisis and damage
professional
Correct determiner usage
their professional
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reputation.
For instance
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, investment in
wrong
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the wrong
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stock or business shares may lead to personal bankruptcy and unexpected debt.
However
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, as mentioned, well-planned
risk
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management and assessment are necessary to prevent fatal damages of
risks
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taking. In conclusion, taking
risks
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of
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with
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people offers significant benefits in terms of high returns, yet it
also
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carries
risks
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related to unbearable loss.
Overall
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, I believe the advantage outweighs the
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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, provided people have cautiously
accessed
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assessed
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and planned
risk
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management before taking
risks
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.

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task response
Make your opinion the same in all parts. In body 1 you say risks have good points, but in the end your view changes.
task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly if the good points are more than the bad points, and keep this view from start to end.
task response
Give fuller ideas. Some points are short, so explain how and why more.
task response
Use examples with more detail. Your stock market example is relevant, but it is still quite general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part structure, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few sentences feel repeated or not fully connected.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point in a more balanced way. The bad side is explained a bit better than the good side.
coherence and cohesion
Check small sentence joins, for example spacing and article use, because they can make reading less smooth.
task response
You clearly introduce the topic and give a main position in the first paragraph.
task response
You use relevant ideas about work, money, and investment, so your response stays on the topic.
task response
You include both sides of the question, which helps make your answer complete.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are all present.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, so the essay is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words like 'for example', 'on the other hand', and 'in conclusion' well.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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