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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

When students study a foreign language, they should also study the cultures and lifestyles of the people who speak the language. Do you agree or disagree?

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In modern times, it is undeniable that
the
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apply
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a bunch of students are learning various
type
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types
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 of languages
due to
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 studying abroad or migrating for job
purpose
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purposes
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. There are those who say that studying a foreign language
pupils
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, pupils
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 should encourage themselves to learn
their
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about their
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 cultures and
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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.
However
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, I completely agree with
this
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 view because heritage and lifestyle
are
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apply
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play a vital role when learners have shifted
other
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to other
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 countries. On the one hand, one of the main reasons is that traditions and living conditions are important
who
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for those who
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 are moving
to
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apply
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overseas for study
purpose
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purposes
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 or
migrate
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migrating
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 with family for quality of
life
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, because it can
helps
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help
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 to adjust
with
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to
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 society and persuing similar way of
life
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.
For instance
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, a person who moved to Italy for higher education, he learnt Italian language, and
beside
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besides
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 he
practiced
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practised
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 cultures and living styles before moving
that
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to that
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 country.
In addition
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, these have helped to
communication
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communicate
 with each
others
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other
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, and it may
helps
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help
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 to get part time job as soon as possible.
On the other hand
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, some people think that learning
foreign
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a foreign
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 language is enough to survive
that
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in that
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 country for scholars and immigrate person who moved for
quality
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the quality
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 of
life
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. To clarify, these individuals believe that when they moved
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this
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to this
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 place after a couple of month later gradually
learnt
Correct your spelling
learned
 their
livestyles
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lifestyles
 and customs.
As a result
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, the public could not
be
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apply
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feel
hesitate
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hesitant
 to talk with foreign persons, it may feel more
hesitate
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hesitant
 when
try
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trying
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 to communicate with other persons.
Therefore
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, I believe that before moving
another
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to another
show examples
 countries person who needed to know about their cultures and living styles. In conclusion,
although
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 it is often
argue
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argued
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 that wasting
of
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apply
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time
to
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on
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 learning
heritages
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about heritages
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 and the way of lifestyle
who
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when
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 moving different state, gaining knowledge about these things
play
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plays
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 a crucial role. I strongly believe that because its help to adjust with community
as well as
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 helping to follow similar
life
Use synonyms
 conditions.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Keep saying why culture study is needed with clear reasons.
task response
Use one clear main idea in each paragraph, then explain it and add one simple example.
task response
Your example about Italy is relevant, but it needs clearer detail to fully support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in a simpler order. Some sentences are hard to follow because the meaning changes in the middle.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, like on the one hand, for instance, as a result, and therefore. Sometimes they do not fit the idea well.
coherence and cohesion
Check pronouns and repeated nouns. Write shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and you keep the same side in the essay.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic, which helps show a full answer.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing and some linking words to connect ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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