IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The most significant purpose of
research
Use synonyms
 must be to enhance
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because scientific
research
Use synonyms
 can make our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 easier and healthier.
However
Linking Words
, if scientists focus only on
this
Linking Words
 aim, other important
spheres
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 us environment protection and space
exploration
Punctuation problem
exploration,
show examples
 may be ignored. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will develop these ideas. On the one hand,
research
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role in improving
Use synonyms
people’s
Use synonyms
 lives. Human
life
Use synonyms
 is the most valuable thing in the
word
Use the right word
world
show examples
,
with
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why it is extremely important to conduct different types of
research
Use synonyms
 and improve
Use synonyms
people’s
Use synonyms
 lifestyle. With the help of
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
research
Use synonyms
,
can
Correct pronoun usage
we can
show examples
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 average
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 it can do some positive changes in
Use synonyms
people’s
Use synonyms
 health. With the help of science, we can learn how to overcome even more
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 and develop new vaccines.
To sum up
Linking Words
, a significant part of attention should be devoted to science in order to improve human
life
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if scientists focus only on
research
Use synonyms
 connected with
Use synonyms
people’s
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, other essential
spheres
Use synonyms
 may
be not
Correct word order
not be
show examples
 developed enough.
Except
Change preposition
Besides
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people’s
show examples
life
Use synonyms
’s we
also
Linking Words
 have a wide range of different problems,
such
Linking Words
 us environment protection. Nowadays, it is extremely unwise to ignore
this
Linking Words
 issue, because
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
also
Linking Words
influence en
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 health and
life
Use synonyms
. Space exploration is
also
Linking Words
 an important sphere because it helps scientists discover new technologies and learn more about the universe.
These
Fix the agreement mistake
This
show examples
research
Use synonyms
 may be useful for future generations. In conclusion, scientific
research
Use synonyms
 should improve
Use synonyms
people’s
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, especially they can enhance
Use synonyms
people spanlife
Check wording
people's lifespan
show examples
 and health. It is
also
Linking Words
 important not to forget about other
spheres
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 us environment protection and space exploration, because in order to achieve good results, all
spheres
Use synonyms
 need to be in balance.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Show clearly why you partly agree.
task response
Add one clear example in each body part. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Develop your main ideas more. Some points are too general and need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some ideas connect well, but some sentences feel broken.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main idea and explain it step by step.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and easy to find.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is split into clear paragraphs.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: