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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, many students are choosing to study online from home instead of attending classes in person at a university or college.Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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In different countries, a variety of learners are willing to study online
instead
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 of attending classes at a traditional school.
While
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 the flexibility of online classes is very helpful for busy adults, I am convinced that learning at a college or university is more beneficial for undergraduates.
To begin
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 with, online lessons are more flexible and budget-friendly.
For example
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,
students
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 are able to select their own time to attend classes, which provides more time to cultivate their hobbies.
Furthermore
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, it offers more benefits to learners who need to balance work or family responsibilities.
Besides
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 that, the cost of online education is much cheaper than that of traditional schools.
As a result
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, tuition fees can be more affordable for those working
while
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 studying.
This
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 shows that having more flexibility and lower educational fees provides opportunities for
students
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 who are time-constrained or underprivileged.
On the other hand
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,
students
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 studying online may find it hard to blend into the community. In many countries,
such
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 as the US, Canada, and Japan, schools often encourage group projects and presentations.
This
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 is because working in a group can strengthen undergraduates' interpersonal skills and team spirit.
In addition
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, pupils might find it difficult to develop 'soft skills'
such
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 as public speaking, emotional regulation, or teamwork.
As a result
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,
students
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 may feel isolated or uncomfortable when working in a corporate environment, primarily because they are not well-trained to express their feelings. In conclusion,
while
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 online lessons offer merits in terms of flexibility and low tuition fees, the loss of interpersonal skills or public communication is more significant for learners. When balancing
students
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' academic results and emotional expression, I believe that the convenience of digital tools cannot outweigh the importance of education from traditional universities or colleges.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first paragraph. Say clearly that the bad points are stronger overall.
task response
Add one more clear example for the bad side. This will make your ideas feel more real and strong.
task response
Explain a little more why online study is less good for undergraduates, not only for work skills but also for study life.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words a bit more carefully. Some parts connect well, but a few ideas move too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the focus of each body paragraph very tight. One clear main point in each paragraph is best.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are a little long. Shorter sentences can make your meaning easier to follow.
task response
You answered the full question and gave a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, body paragraphs, and ending.
task response
Most main points are explained with reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion matches your opinion and brings the essay to a clear end.
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