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Writing Samples
Band 4

Q In some countries a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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The question of whether the government should control
Use synonyms
salaries the amount
Correct word order
the amount of salaries
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 people can earn has been a topic of
debete
Correct your spelling
debate
.
While
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 some critics argue that a few
workers
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 earn extremely high
salaries
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, I firmly believe that
professionals
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 are good for a country to earn high
salaries
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.
On the other hand
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, when many today are increasingly of
a
Correct article usage
the
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 opinion that a few
workers
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 earn
dominately
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dominantly
 high
salaries
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, the other
workers
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 earn lower
salaries
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 because of limited resources.
Additionally
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, some
workers
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 were promoted regardless of their
abillities
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abilities
 by the nonethical method, so that people believe that it is unfair in our society.
Furthermore
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, if the
goverment
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government
 should control
salaries
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the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 amount people can earn, they believe that it would be fair in workspace. Even though a few
workers
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 earned high
salaries
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, they tend to
utilize
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utilise
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 private things.
As a result
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,
workers
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 desire to earn
fair
Correct article usage
a fair
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 wage through the limited.
However
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, despite these
concern
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concerns
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, I argue that
professionals
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 play
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 important role in a country.
For example
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, technological
professionals
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 can contribute to
develop
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developing
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 the quality of
citizen's life
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citizens' lives
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 by applying their skills. These
professionals
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incentivized
Verb problem
are incentivised
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 not only
high
Change preposition
by high
show examples
salaries
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 but
also
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their
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by
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 valuable
rewarding
Replace the word
rewards
. To promote
these
Punctuation problem
, these
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 experts should be paid high
salaries
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regardingless
Correct your spelling
regardless
 of any limits. These movements held some opportunities that can lead to proactive activities.  In conclusion,
while
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 a few
workers
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 earned high
salaries
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 without any limits, some
professionals
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 were motivated by high
salaries
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. By supporting their opportunities for developing themselves, our society
have
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has
show examples
 a positive impact in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long term.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Write one clear idea for why high pay is good, and one clear idea for why pay limits may help.
task response
Give your opinion in a direct way in the introduction and keep the same view in the conclusion.
task response
Use one or two simple and real examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like however, for example, because, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects to the one before it. Some parts now are hard to follow.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples and reasons to support your points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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