IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

MANY ASPECTS OF THE WAY PEOPLE DRESS TODAY ARE INFLUENCED BY GLOBAL FASHION TRENDS. HOW HAS GLOBAL FASHION BECOME SUCH A STRONG INFLUENCE ON PEOPLE'S LIVES? DO YOU THINK THIS IS A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT?

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it
Fix capitalization
It
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 is true that worldwide
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
Use synonyms
 have played a huge role in shaping
people
Use synonyms
's attitudes towards the way they dress.
While
Linking Words
 there are a variety of factors responsible for it, I think it
is
Verb problem
has
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 a negative impact on humans. There are a number of reasons why global fashions have become popular among individuals. One possible reason is that celebrities strongly affect
people
Use synonyms
's clothing choices and lifestyles.
For example
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, if a renowned celebrity wears untraditional clothes and
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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looks stunning, his fans most probably attempt to wear
this
Linking Words
 kind of clothes. Another reason is that by using social media,
such
Linking Words
 as TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram, individuals can be influenced.
For instance
Linking Words
, social media algorithms tempt
people
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 by demonstrating their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 attire, and they are persuaded that it would perfectly suit them.
Although
Linking Words
 individuals do not think about quality, they purchase without any hesitation.
As a result
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, there is
possibility
Correct article usage
a possibility
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 of being deceived. The way worldwide
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
Use synonyms
 affect
people
Use synonyms
 is not beneficial in many ways.
For example
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, if they are affected by
fashion
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trends
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, they may wear unusual clothes in public, which is not suitable in school, college, university and office. It may lead
people
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 to lose their jobs or be kicked out
from
Change preposition
of
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 the university.
As a result
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,
this
Linking Words
 may bring anxiety, sadness and financial problems.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, by following their favourite celebrities, they waste their working and studying time, which is harmful to getting better outcomes. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 global
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
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 reflect modern connectivity's strengths, I believe it is detrimental for
people
Use synonyms
, especially for children.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain why global fashion is strong, but your view on why it is bad needs more clear support.
task response
Give one or two more direct examples. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to believe.
task response
Some ideas are too general. Explain them step by step, so the reader can see how one result leads to another.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some parts connect well, but a few ideas jump too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one main idea only. This will help the essay feel more smooth and easy to follow.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the start and stays the same to the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use words like for example, another reason, furthermore, and as a result to link ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global
  • fashion
  • clothes
  • dress
  • wear
  • look
  • style
  • brand
  • label
  • shop
  • price
  • money
  • media
  • ads
  • post
  • like
  • world
  • culture
  • express
  • expression
  • culture
  • work
  • jobs
  • earth
  • environment
  • press
  • pressure
  • spend
  • buy
  • design
  • trend
  • brand
  • celeb
  • celebrity
  • internet
  • online
  • shop
  • social
  • media
  • fashion
  • trend
  • idea
  • choice
  • fit
  • color
  • color
  • cloth
  • fabric
  • hand
  • care
  • harm
  • good
  • bad
  • benefit
  • loss
  • balance
  • relation
  • impact
  • effect
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