IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Authorities need to spend
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
 on
railways
Use synonyms
 rather than
roads
Use synonyms
. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because
railways
Use synonyms
 are important
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
roads
Use synonyms
 are necessary
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that governments should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on enhancing
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
. The main benefit of railway systems is avoiding
traffic
Use synonyms
jam
Check wording
jams
show examples
. It is often the case that nowadays
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 suffer from constant heavy
traffic
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 occurs because of
extremely
Correct word choice
an extreme
show examples
 increase
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 number of
cars
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
roads
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
will invest
Wrong verb form
invests
show examples
 in
railways
Use synonyms
,
traffic
Use synonyms
jam
Check wording
jams
show examples
 can decrease. Another advantage of
railways
Use synonyms
 is their positive impact on the environment. It is commonly believed that
railways
Use synonyms
 have a less harmful impact than private
cars
Use synonyms
. To compare these
both
Correct determiner usage
two
show examples
 types of transport, the metro train can include approximately 500-2,000
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 obviously
that
Correct word choice
,
show examples
 2,000
cars
Use synonyms
 produce
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
much higher
gases
Check wording
gas emissions
show examples
 than several trains.
However
Linking Words
,
roads
Use synonyms
 are still extremely important for society. Many
people
Use synonyms
 live in rural areas and do not have access to
metro
Correct article usage
a metro
show examples
 train or
passenger
Correct article usage
a passenger
show examples
 train.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 needs
repair
Verb problem
to repair
show examples
 and build new
roads
Use synonyms
. It is often the case that
no
Rephrase
not
show examples
 all
people
Use synonyms
 want to use the
railways
Use synonyms
, so to avoid some accidents it is very important to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 from
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
 on
roads
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is elementary safety. Next treason why authorities should spend funds on
roads
Use synonyms
 is flexibility.
Cars
Use synonyms
 and buses provide more flexibility than trains because
people
Use synonyms
 can travel directly to their location. Personally, I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 on
railways
Use synonyms
 is essential, but
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not forget about
roads
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the
railways
Use synonyms
 have some
upwards
Check wording
advantages,
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
fever
Use the right word
fewer
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams and less environmental pollution. At the same
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
 the
roads
Use synonyms
important
Verb problem
are important
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, with the help of
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who live in rural areas
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 easily reach their destination.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
roads
Use synonyms
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 flexibility for
people
Use synonyms
. My stance on
this
Linking Words
 issue is that governments should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on both these categories equally.

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task response
Answer the question in a more clear way. Say early if you partly agree, and keep this same view all through the essay.
task response
Add more clear support for each main idea. Some ideas are good, but they need a bit more detail or a simple example.
task response
Use examples that fit the point very well. The train and car number example is helpful, but some other points need stronger support.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph easy to follow. Start with one main idea, then explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way. Words like however, therefore, and at the same time are useful, but some sentences still feel hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. Some lines jump too fast from one idea to another, so the flow is not always smooth.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You give some relevant ideas, like traffic, the environment, rural areas, and travel freedom.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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