IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some argue that horizontal
sports
Use synonyms
 should be banned by governments, others believe that there is freedom for everyone to play any
sports
Use synonyms
 or activities they like. In my point of view, I would argue that all individuals have the right to play any
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
 or activity and I would disagree
on
Change preposition
with
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 the aspect of banning dangerous
sports
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. First and foremost,
for
Change preposition
apply
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those who feel that dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 should be restricted to play,
such
Linking Words
 as ice skiing, boxing, and jumping. These activities can lead to severe injuries and fatalities,
increasing
Correct word choice
and increasing
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 injury can impact several sectors, especially in
healthcare
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 service. The burden on the
healthcare
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 system,
diminishing
Wrong verb form
diminishes
show examples
 the quality of
healthcare
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 service
that is
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 provided to patients
due to
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 a limitation of facilities and
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
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. Once the rates of patients decrease, hospitals can maintain the service more efficiently.
However
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, whether a restriction of dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 provides benefits, I would argue that all individuals have the right to choose their own choices and activities. Once they have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to choose, it allows people to enhance their mental resilience.
For instance
Linking Words
, boxing,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the sport that helps people
to
Verb problem
apply
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maintain their mental stability
while
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 they are facing a risky circumstance like a thief.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can protect themselves and deal with it.
Furthermore
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, there is
benefit
Correct article usage
a benefit
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 in economic growth.
For example
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, bullfighting in Spain,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a cultural sport.
This
Linking Words
 extreme sport can increase tourists in the country and improve local economies. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is true that banning dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 has benefits in
healthcare
Use synonyms
 services, I firmly believe that personal freedom is paramount,
such
Linking Words
 as mental resilience and economic growth.

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task achievement
Ensure precise and accurate terminology. For example, instead of 'horizontal sports,' consider using 'extreme sports' or 'dangerous activities.'
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety to avoid repetitive structures. This will enhance readability and engage the reader more effectively.
task achievement
Enhance the discussion by including counter-arguments and addressing them to provide a more balanced perspective.
task achievement
You have effectively presented both views on the topic and given your opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Providing examples like boxing and bullfighting effectively illustrate your points and make your arguments more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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