Shopping online has various advantages for consumers but it may also have several disadvantages including the loss of individual privacy. Do the advantages of online shopping for consumers outweigh the disadvantages?

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Many
people
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believe that online shopping has many advantages.
While
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others are more convinced that it has several disadvantages.
This
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essay will discuss both viewpoints and their arguments.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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many
people
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prefer shopping online rather than shopping at malls or stores in real life.
Firstly
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,
people
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who feel shy and embarrassed are often shopping online, as it's way easier to shop by just adding and clicking links; they don't have to deal with actual human services, but put themselves in an awkward position.
In addition
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, some
people
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like shopping online for its fantastic deals and prices. Online stores often offer free stuff,more samples and sales for consumers to buy.
Furthermore
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, shoppers have a variety of options as marketing plays a good role and affects them.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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are hesitating about it and find it distrustful.First of all, they think that online websites are insecure , and most of them lack safety features that can cause hackers to steal and attack phones and devices .
For example
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, if you open an untrusted link or browser, you might get hacked and infected with various viruses.
Furthermore
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, electronic shopping apps may not be very precise enough , and you may get the wrong sizes in clothes or bad quality products. Many
people
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get cheated on because of the appearance of the items in photos and videos, which can affect their loss of money and privacy. In conclusion,both views have their own reasons and arguments,but mostly shopping online has more advantages than disadvantages, and it has been a common way to shop these days.
For instance
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,
people
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should be aware of unreliable sites that may harm them or cause damage in their lives.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. You say both sides, but you need to show more clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your main ideas. Your example about unsafe links is useful, but the good side also needs an example.
task response
Make your ideas more clear and full. Some points are too general, like 'marketing plays a good role and affects them.' Explain how and why.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph so the reader can follow your main point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with full stops and clear joining words. Some sentences are too long, so they are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check spacing and punctuation. For example, add spaces after full stops and commas to make the essay easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This gives your essay a clear shape.
task response
You discuss both the good side and the bad side of online shopping, so you address the topic.
task response
Your conclusion gives a clear final opinion that the advantages are stronger.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • save time
  • lower price
  • wide choice
  • compare prices
  • from home
  • personal data
  • bank details
  • private information
  • trusted website
  • shopping habits
  • delivery delay
  • poor quality
  • fake goods
  • consumer benefit
  • outweigh the drawbacks
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