IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Advertising influence people to buy things. What are the problems caused by that? What solutions can be given?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Advertising is a
powerfull
Correct your spelling
powerful
 tool to transform products and services
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 purchases. The problems caused by them are harmful
though
Punctuation problem
, though
show examples
. Many solutions are being implemented in order to
revert
Verb problem
reverse
show examples
 the effects of advertising influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. The biggest problem of advertising is that their incentive to consumption and all the effects that
this
Linking Words
 brings to society. The more
people
Use synonyms
 buy, the more needs to be
produce
Wrong verb form
produced
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 logic, an
unecessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 overproduction of everything is the main reason why our planet is dealing with so many climate issues. The resources used to supply all the demand are damaging the enviroment and the consequences are natural catastrophes around the world. If populationin rich countries
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
 consuming as they are now, it'll be needed at least three more planet
Earth
Fix the agreement mistake
Earths
show examples
 to support
this
Linking Words
 demand.
Besides
Linking Words
 the
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 damage, advertising can cause severe impacts
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 family financial health and dictate bad behaviours.
People
Use synonyms
 with mental issues are easily influenced and don't distinguish
the difference
Check wording
apply
show examples
between what is essential and what is only pure
consumism
Correct your spelling
consumerism
. The main solution for that would be creating a media regulation that
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all it involves. Since the way that it circulates, its message and target
public
Check wording
audience
show examples
. Other than regulation, governments should invest in educating
people
Use synonyms
 about the importance of conscious
consuption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 and the problem
regarging
Correct your spelling
regarding
 overconsumption. In conclusion, advertising should be well assisted by inspection
departaments
Correct your spelling
departments
 making sure that they will not have any dubious or
appeling
Correct your spelling
appealing
 message.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about problems and solutions, but the solution part is short.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your ideas, such as debt in a family or waste from fast fashion.
task response
Make each main idea very clear. Some points are good, but they need more explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some parts jump too fast from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about both problems and solutions.
task response
You include important ideas like harm to nature, family money problems, and the need for rules.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is mostly clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: