People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

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It is argued individual should follow the customs and traditions when they start to live in a new country. Many citizens hold
this
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opinion , and I completely agree with it. Examining the former opinion, the primary argument supporters would put forward is that local people will accept newcomers easily,
it
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and it
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is an efficient way to make friends in new accommodation.
This
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is because local people will become welcoming when they feel newcomers are showing respect for the local way of life.
In addition
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, proponents
also
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believe that immigrants will enjoy the tradition and be able to take part in community life.
For example
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, visitors have participated in the Songkran festival with their enthusiasm.
On the contrary
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, those in favour of the latter opinion have their own arguments.
To begin
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with, they claim that it is difficult for new residents who do not follow the customs and traditions of the host country.
For instance
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, an entrepreneur who comes to live in a new city and
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
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up a business must be aware of the culture and identity.
Furthermore
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, recent immigrants might violate the laws if they do not respect the behaviour and customs of the local
.
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community.
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To illustrate, residents will consider newcomers dirty when they litter the street or spit gum in public places in Singapore.
To conclude
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and offer my perspective, there are convincing arguments both for and against. I think we should research and explore our travel country in advance, which helps us integrate with the native citizens in their area.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from start to end. You say you completely agree, but later you say there are good points on both sides.
task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Show why you agree, not only both sides.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Add one more sentence to explain how or why.
coherence and cohesion
Your order is clear, but some links are not smooth. Use simple linking words well: first, also, for example, as a result, in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not connect fully to the topic. Keep each paragraph on one clear point.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence joining. Some long sentences need better control or should be split into two shorter ones.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples, like Songkran and Singapore, to support your ideas.
task response
The essay stays on the topic all the way.
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