IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries, young people are leaving rural areas to live in cities. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent years, many countries
noticed
Verb problem
have noticed
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 that young adults prefer moving to
cities
Use synonyms
 rather than living in the countryside. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 I believe that both sides are equally
importance
Replace the word
important
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of development.
Firstly
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, modern
cities
Use synonyms
 or
cities
Use synonyms
 in general provide better job opportunities.
In other words
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,
cities
Use synonyms
 can offer more opportunities for young people
unlike
Correct word choice
than
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 the countryside.
For example
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, if young adults lived in the
Use synonyms
city
Punctuation problem
city,
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 they
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 get high-paying jobs and improve their lifestyle.
Also
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, they can receive higher education at modern universities in the
city
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.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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this
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 can lead to having a greater career in the
city
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.
Moreover
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,
cities
Use synonyms
 can provide better healthcare and public services,
Such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 modern medicine technology and modern transportation.
However
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, living in
cities
Use synonyms
 can
also
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 have some drawbacks. In many modern
cities
Use synonyms
, traffic and pollution have become a serious issue
due to
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 the increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 the
city
Use synonyms
 population.
For instance
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, people are exposed to polluted air
and
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, and
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 that can lead to health issues.
In addition
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, crowded
cities
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 can reduce the quality of life for many residents.
Moreover
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, if the young adults left the rural areas. They may reduce the
workers
Check wording
number of workers
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 and the whole population in the rural areas. In conclusion,
although
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 moving to the
cities
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 can provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
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better
opportunties
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for people, it can
also
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 lead to problems
such
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 as pollution and traffic. In my opinion, both sides have advantages and disadvantages
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I suggest
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 government
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
improve the rural areas.

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task response
Answer the first question more clearly. Say why young people move to cities in a direct way in the first body part.
task response
Give a clearer opinion on the second question. Do not say both sides are equal if the task asks if advantages outweigh disadvantages.
task response
Add one more clear example for each main point. This will make your ideas stronger and more full.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some parts feel repeated, like 'moreover' and 'in addition'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence joining. Some sentences should be split or linked better to make the meaning easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one clear main idea, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to see: jobs and services as benefits, pollution and loss of people in villages as drawbacks.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like 'Firstly', 'However', and 'In conclusion', which helps the reader follow your essay.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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