IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Encouraging competition in
children
Use synonyms
 can help them develop important skills.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, some
children
Use synonyms
make
Verb problem
feel
show examples
 deprived when
them
Verb problem
they are
show examples
 in a
competion
Correct your spelling
competition
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there
is a
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 some good and bad
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 possible. First of all, all
Use synonyms
contest
Fix the agreement mistake
contests
show examples
 can foster motivation and drive,
also
Linking Words
 ensure abilities.
Competion
Correct your spelling
Competition
 can teach
children
Use synonyms
 about resilience and dealing with failure.
For instance
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of
Use synonyms
contest
Fix the agreement mistake
contests
show examples
 available in the world for improving
comunication
Correct your spelling
communication
 and dealing
problems
Change preposition
with problems
show examples
. As we can see
that
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the example, competition can ensure all abilities
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 you can see
,
Correct word choice
that
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 cooperation skills are essential for
succes
Correct your spelling
success
 in the workplace.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, cooperating with
other
Replace the word
others
 promotes empathy and social skills.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
children
Use synonyms
 are
effected
Use the right word
affected
show examples
 badly by the
competiton
Correct your spelling
competition
. It increased stress and pressure.
For example
Linking Words
, when I was a child, I had a
contest
Use synonyms
 which is relevant board games. I imagined to be champion, but I lost my first match. It made me really
stressfull
Correct your spelling
stressed
, after 2 matches were lost
by
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 my overwhelming.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the next day I won 4 matches because I wasn't stressfull because
of
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apply
show examples
my
parent
Check wording
parents
show examples
 encouraged me,
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 not essential just having fun.
Consequently
Linking Words
, a balanced approach that combines competition and cooperation is ideal. A competitor should be relax to the
contest
Use synonyms
. No one expect to be
perfect
Correct article usage
a perfect
show examples
 person
from you
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, a coordinator should have
benefial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 communication
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 competitors.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly and give your opinion in a direct way.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are too short or not fully clear.
task response
Use examples that directly support each main point.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas into clear paragraphs with one main idea each.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, such as first, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence easy to follow. Some parts are hard to understand now.
task response
You discuss both competition and cooperation.
task response
You give a personal example, which helps your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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