IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As technology develops, more shopping and business is done through the internet while communication face to face becomes less frequent. Is this a positive or a negative development?

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As technology advances, the number of people shopping and doing
business
Use synonyms
 online is increasing
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 communication in person is becoming less frequent. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 the situation
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 both positive and negative aspects. Starting with the positive ones: considering that
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is spreaded world wide and most people have access to
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, buying online has become easier than in person, because you can order whatever you want in a few seconds,
while
Linking Words
 if you had to go and buy in a physical store, that would require more time and commuting. Another positive aspect from a customer perspective is that the large diversification of businesses on the
internet
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also
Linking Words
 increases the range of options available and makes prices more competitive. Owners of online
Use synonyms
business
Check wording
businesses
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also
Linking Words
 benefit from managing a shop without a physical structure. With a lean operation, costs reduce
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 profits go up.
On the other hand
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, one of the negative aspects of
this
Linking Words
 change is that local
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business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 are
in
Change preposition
at
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 risk of
disapear
Correct your spelling
disappearing
. When a
business
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finishs
Correct your spelling
finishes
 its activities,
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 jobs are created, which leads to
an
Correct article usage
apply
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unemployment
consequence
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consequences
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 from technology advcance. From a customer point of view, other negative effects from buying on the
internet
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instead
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 of communicating
face
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 to
face
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the difficulty in getting in contact with an
atual
Correct your spelling
actual
 human
attendent
Correct your spelling
attendant
 and having their issues resolved.
This
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 is one of the biggest complaints in online forums and shows the fragility of a service that lacks social interaction. Still on the interaction note, many customers reported
to receive
Wrong verb form
receiving
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 different products than the ones bought online, which means that the lack of
Use synonyms
face to
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
face
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 communication can
also
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 lead to
disappoiment
Correct your spelling
disappointment
. In conclusion, I think technology development is already happening
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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either
Correct word choice
whether
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 we want it or not, we will have to adapt to
this
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 reality even more and more.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there's
also
Linking Words
 a powerful movement that can be done within society in order to support local
business
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 and help to balance the
situtation
Correct your spelling
situation
.

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task response
Answer the question more clearly from the start. Say if you think this change is mostly good, mostly bad, or both but more one side.
task response
Add one or two more clear examples. For example, say what kind of local shop may close, or what problem a buyer may have online.
task response
Explain your main ideas a little more. Some points are good, but they need one more sentence to show why they matter.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas more carefully. Put all good points in one clear block and all bad points in another clear block.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result' can help the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic, so the reader can see good and bad effects.
task response
Your ideas are on topic and stay focused on online shopping, business, and less face-to-face contact.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs well, and the order of ideas is mostly easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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