IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Other people think that, in today's world, subject like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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Some individuals believe that, in the
present day
Correct your spelling
present-day
 world, hard
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 like innovations are
crucial
Rephrase
more crucial
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 than
history
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 I acknowledge that digital tools are of paramount importance because they tend to make life easier for us, I believe soft
discipline
Check wording
disciplines
show examples
 like
history
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 imperative because it enables to master our understanding
about
Change preposition
of
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 our culture. A large number of citizens argue that technology
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 essential in
this
Linking Words
 modern life
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that people no longer suffer to cater to some of their needs.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 individuals can effortlessly get in touch with their friends
an
Correct word choice
and
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 relatives who are abroad,
an
Correct word choice
and
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this
Linking Words
in
Verb problem
can be done in
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 a very negligible amount of time by using phones to make either a direct call or by messaging on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media channels like
Tik-Tok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
 or
whatsapp
Fix capitalization
WhatsApp
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
However,
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 in the ancient world, there were no phones
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 to reach out to each others people used to send
letter
Check wording
letters
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, which
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 take days or even weeks
depending
Punctuation problem
, depending
show examples
 of receivers destinations. Despite those benefits, I will argue that we need more than being able to hear from each others fastly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others think that soft
skill
Correct subject-verb agreement
skills
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 like
history
Use synonyms
 are imperative on the grounds that
this
Linking Words
 discipline allows
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
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 know much about our culture. Through
Use synonyms
history
Punctuation problem
history,
show examples
 we can figure out the way our parents used to get dressed, we can know more about some of their inventions, which can help us attempt to find
approach
Correct article usage
an approach
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 to make
more tempting
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a great
deal of
Correct determiner usage
many
show examples
 things we are confronted
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
in our
present day
Correct your spelling
present-day
 world
.
Correct word choice
more tempting.
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
,
history
Use synonyms
 can play a significant role in our understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 other countries through the information we read in books
an those
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 that we receive from our educators.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that those benefits are of
paramounts
Replace the word
paramount
 importance because they can assist in handling many situations. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 innovations can help stay in touch with people worldwide, I believe that
history
Use synonyms
 is much better because it
brodens
Correct your spelling
broadens
 our horizons.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about science and history, but the science side is not as full as the history side.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from the start and keep the same idea in all parts.
task response
Use simpler and more exact examples. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words with care, such as 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore'. Some are not used in the best place now.
coherence and cohesion
Check long sentences. Split them into two shorter sentences to make your meaning clear.
task response
You answer both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples about phones, letters, culture, and books to support your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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