IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city. How can governments make urban life better for everyone?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It is an undeniable fact that in
this
Linking Words
 contemporary epoch, moving to an urban area is very common. From my perspective, people are facing a lot of problems
due to
Linking Words
 migration, but few solutions from the government will make citizens' lives easier. In the paragraphs below, I would like to put forth my views and
opinion
Check wording
opinions
show examples
 in conclusion. An astounding fact is that city residents struggle with the high cost of living.
Firstly
Linking Words
, expenses
such
Linking Words
 as rents, electricity and water bills, groceries, healthcare, and education are all significantly higher than in rural areas.
As a result
Linking Words
, people are working more than official hours to manage all expenses,
as well as
Linking Words
 not able to spend time with their dear ones.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in urban areas,
air
Use synonyms
 quality is poor. Citizens
use
Use synonyms
 vehicles, and construction projects make cities more polluted than the countryside.
For instance
Linking Words
, recently, based on an article that mentioned previous research done on
air
Use synonyms
 pollution affecting human health, especially the high risk of respiratory diseases like asthma, emphysema, and lung cancer, as well.
However
Linking Words
, we seldom give a thought to ponder over the other side of
this
Linking Words
 essay. Encouraging people to
use
Use synonyms
 public transport
instead
Linking Words
 of private vehicles. That will curb emissions released into the
air
Use synonyms
 and help to maintain the environment.
For example
Linking Words
, the congestion charge in London has motivated commuters to
use
Use synonyms
 buses or trams, thereby improving
air
Use synonyms
 quality in the future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, building affordable social housing is vital.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it would help to reduce residents' financial stress levels. The seemingly inexorable description of migration in urban areas can keep on going.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, showing a deep reverence and observing the finer nuance of the matter mentioned above, I espouse the notion that the government could construct budget-friendly houses and
use
Use synonyms
 public transportation, which would make city life easier.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about hard city life and some government help, but some ideas need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph should focus on problems, and one should focus on government actions.
task response
Give examples that are short and clear. The air pollution example is too long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Some lines sound too formal or unclear, so the flow becomes weak.
coherence and cohesion
Make your conclusion short and direct. Repeat your main answer in easy words.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You include some real problems like high cost and air pollution.
task response
You give government ideas like public transport and low-cost housing.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Metropolis
  • Rapid urban growth
  • Megacity
  • Urban sprawl
  • Housing affordability
  • Infrastructure development
  • Public transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Pollution
  • Noise pollution
  • Green spaces
  • Job market
  • Social cohesion
  • Community engagement
  • Safety measures
  • Crime prevention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: