“Physical appearance is believed to play an important role in various aspects of life, including academic success, personal relationships, and career opportunities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view, and do you consider it a positive or negative development?”

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Throughout history, physical looks have been a main factor
that is
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taken into consideration in various aspects of societal activities.
Therefore
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, in order for an individual to build a decent life, he needs to focus on his appearance.
This
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is an advantageous fact because
people
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can make up for their social weaknesses by putting effort into their physical presentation.
First,
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it is evident that humans are observant creatures who appreciate beauty in all its forms.
Hence
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, Presentable men and women are likely to get better job opportunities, spouses, and friends. One good example is a social experiment conducted through TikTok where a famous influencer went on a shopping spree with a bare face and casual clothing. She filmed the trip and showed that strangers interacted with her in a dismissive manner; most of the public did not offer her gifts or open the door for her,
in contrast
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to the behaviour exhibited towards her when she went to the same shopping centre after she had done her makeup and hair and wore a fashionable outfit.
Moreover
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, all
people
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struggle with certain aspects of social interactions, and one way to detour others from one’s communication shortcomings is through wearing suitable clothes and learning how to carry oneself with confidence and grace. Society tends to appreciate individuals who allocate time and effort to look nice.
For instance
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, if a student finds it challenging to approach professors in office hours, they might attract them
by
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with
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their tidy look and polite demeanour. In conclusion, presentation is crucial in many fields of life.
Consequently
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, spending 30 minutes in the morning before school or work may grant a person astonishing opportunities and draw
people
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to them.
Thus
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, attracting success. I believe that, if done correctly, when
people
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invest in their outside vessel. It will benefit them far more than it may inconvenience them.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. You say appearance is helpful, but you do not fully explain how far you agree.
task response
Explain the negative side too. The question asks if this is positive or negative, so you should show both sides before your view.
task response
Some ideas are too general. Add clearer reasons about school, love, and work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some sentences do not connect in a smooth way.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and punctuation. Shorter sentences may help.
task response
You answer the topic and keep your main view clear in most of the essay.
task response
The TikTok example is specific and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs with one main idea in each body paragraph.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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