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Writing Samples
Band 6

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The tables
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 the
population
Use synonyms
 in New
York
Use synonyms
 City from 1800 to 2000
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 with five sub
districts
Punctuation problem
districts,
show examples
 how
to distributed the
Unsplit the infinitive
the population percentages are distributed
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 percentages in these cities:
Manhattan
Use synonyms
, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten Island.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
population
Use synonyms
 of New
York
Use synonyms
city
Fix capitalization
City
show examples
 increased significantly from 1800 to 2000;
in addition
Linking Words
, the largest
population
Use synonyms
 growth
showed
Verb problem
occurred
show examples
 between 1900 and 2000.
Threre
Correct your spelling
There
 was a rapid fall in the
Manhattan
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 and the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Manhanttan
population
Use synonyms
 in 2000. In 1900, other districts increased their populations than
Manhattan
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 a rapid increase in
population
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 from 1900 to 2000. The highest
population
Use synonyms
 was 8,009,185 in 2000 in New
York
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 recorded the least contribution.
However
Linking Words
,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 was a
highest
Replace the word
higher
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
Manhattan
Correct article usage
the Manhattan
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in 1800.
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
The percentage
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
Manhattan
Correct article usage
the Manhattan
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 gradually decreased over the period. In 2000,
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 of Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, and Staten Island contributed to
New
Correct article usage
the New
show examples
York
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
, which was recorded as 6,471,089 and 81%

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, york, manhattan, percentage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rapid" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • people
  • city
  • five
  • district
  • grow
  • growth
  • rise
  • increase
  • increase
  • rise
  • fall
  • decline
  • high
  • low
  • big
  • large
  • small
  • more
  • less
  • over time
  • by year
  • in total
  • compare
  • compared with
  • whereas
  • trend
  • pattern
  • overall
  • feature
  • note
  • point
  • difference
  • lead
  • catch up
  • late
  • early
  • century
  • decade
  • period
  • 2000
  • 1800
  • 1900
  • continuous
  • steady
  • rapid
  • fast
  • slow
  • periods
  • numbers
  • data
  • report
  • describe
  • summarise
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