IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for people to embrace digital technology, both in their educational pursuits and their workplace activities. Do you think the advantages of integrating digital technology outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent years, digital
technology
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 has become increasingly important in both education and workplaces.
Although
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 some
people
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 believe it may have certain drawbacks, I believe its advantages far outweigh the disadvantages. First of all,
people
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 can greatly benefit from digital
technology
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. With digital
technology
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 growing rapidly, educational systems can easily design
personalized
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personalised
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 learning courses for individual learning.
Therefore
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, individual can learn at their own pace without much pressure, making it enjoyable for them to study. On top of that, digital learning systems provide flexible schedules, enabling
people
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 to manage their time more efficiently. As more and more citizens enjoy learning and have sufficient time, the number of individuals willing to acquire new skills or develop side jobs would significantly increase, contributing to national development through a more skilled workforce. Another advantage is that many traditional work procedures can be simplified and automated through digital
technology
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, which can significantly reduce the likelihood of overtime work and improve workplace productivity.
For example
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, hospitals nowadays use digital systems to manage patient records and medication administration
instead
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 of relying on handwritten documents.
This
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 enables healthcare workers to complete
task
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tasks
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 more efficiently and reduces unnecessary workload.
As a result
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, employees may experience lower stress levels and better mental well-being, contributing to the healthy development of society.
To sum up
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, digital
technology
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 has greatly improved both educational and working environments.
People
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 can learn more efficiently, develop useful skills, and maintain a healthier work-life balance.
Therefore
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, I believe it is beneficial to both individuals and society as a whole.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
coherence cohesion
Use more clear links between ideas, not only basic ones like first and another.
task achievement
Add one more specific example to make your points stronger.
task achievement
Explain the bad side a little more, then show why the good side is still stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
task achievement
You answer the question and give your opinion all the way through.
task achievement
You use a real and useful example about hospitals.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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