IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In recent years,
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people
Check wording
the idea that people
show examples
 of all ages should save
money
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 for their
future
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 has become an increasingly debated
isssue
Correct your spelling
issue
. I completely agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that everyone, including young
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people
Punctuation problem
people,
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 should save their
money
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 for
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future
Correct article usage
the future
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. On the one hand,
people
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 should have
a
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apply
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saved
money
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 for any specific situation,
such
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 as medical treatment, lending some family member and big investments.
For being
Wrong verb form
To be
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 ready
at
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for
show examples
 any situation,
people
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 should save their
money
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 even without
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
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 reason.
For example
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, I had
been always
Correct word order
always been
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 inserting
money
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to
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into
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 my bank
saving
Replace the word
savings
 account without any reason at first.
Therefore
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, with that
money
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i
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I
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 travelled with my friends
to
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apply
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abroad. Without that
saving
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savings
,
i
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I
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 would suffer to find
money
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 to travel. Like that,
people
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 could face any
suddenly
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sudden
 events at any
times
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time
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
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, they should prepare themselves.
Moreover
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,
children
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 and young
people
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 should know the
price
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value
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 of
money
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 as early as possible. In modern times, there are lots of
people
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 who do not know how to use their
money
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.
People
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 should learn how to spend their
money
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 properly from childhood.
For instance
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, when
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 was in high school,
i
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I
show examples
 had
been
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apply
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always wondered
understand
Verb problem
apply
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why some
children
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saving
Wrong verb form
saved
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 their
money
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instead
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 of buying sweets. Later I understood that those
children
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 had a basic knowledge about how important
is
Correct word order
money is
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money
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. Getting the knowledge of
money
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 value as early as possible is important. In conclusion, everyone, including
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children
Punctuation problem
children,
show examples
 should save
money
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 for their
future
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. That will be
advantage
Correct article usage
an advantage
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 in
future
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 compared to
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 do not have any saved
money
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. I completely agree
with
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apply
show examples
that
people
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 should have a saved
money
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.

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task response
Answer the question more fully. Say why you agree, and also show how much you agree in a clear way in each main part.
task response
Use clearer main ideas at the start of each body part. Then add one or two simple reasons to support each idea.
task response
Your examples are helpful, but they need to be more direct and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in a more natural order. Some lines are hard to follow because the grammar makes the meaning less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, such as 'first', 'for example', 'as a result', and 'in conclusion'. Do not use too many.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea only.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You include personal examples, and this helps support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph form: introduction, body, body, conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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