Today many children are overweight and suffer from obesity. Give the reasons for this and offer solutions to fix this problem.

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The world has changed
and
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, and
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that includes the eating habits of most
children
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. Today
many
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, many
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children
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suffer from being overweight.
This
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is a global health issue.
This
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essay will examine the reasons for
this
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problem and possible solutions to help fix
this
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health issue. On the one hand , there are many reasons of chid obesity . First ,
children
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like to eat
alot
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a lot
of junk
food
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wich is not healthy .
For
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example
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, they love to eat fast
food
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such
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as
Mcdonalds
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McDonald's
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and Burger
king
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King
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.
This
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kind of
food
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is terrible for their bodies . Second , they love to eat sweets and candies .
For
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example
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, they like to eat chocolate at
every
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any
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time .
Thats
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That's
unhealthy for their teeth
not
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, not
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just their body .
Finally
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,
todaays
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today's
children
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are not doing any exercises .
For
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example
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, they
prefare
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prefer
to sit sit allday on the computer and play video games rather than exercising .
Also
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, they spend their time
on
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apply
show examples
watching movies and
youtube
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YouTube
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videos without moving . On the
another
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other
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hand , there are many solutions for child obesity . First , they have to eat less junk
food
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if they
couldnt
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can't
quit it .
For
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example
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, parents should allow them to eat it just once a week .
Also
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, they can switch it with more tasty and healthy
food
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. Second , they have to eat less
sweets
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sugar
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and
candies
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sweets
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.
Foe
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For
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example
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,
its
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it's
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better to eat honey or jam .
Also
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, its more healthy to eat fruits like
grabe
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grapes
or
wateremelon
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watermelon
.
Finally
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,
children
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need more
exercises
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exercise
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.
For
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example
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, they have to go outside and
be running
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run
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in the parks .
Also
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, they have to meet
another
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other
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children
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to play together and do
diffirent activeties
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different activities
. In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are several reasons responsible for the child obesity problem.
However
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, the good news is that there are multiple solutions to solve
this
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serious health issue.

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coherence cohesion
Write more clear topic ideas at the start of each body part.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like first, second, finally, however, and as a result.
task achievement
Make each example more real and more exact.
task achievement
Explain why each reason causes obesity, not only list it.
task achievement
Check that each solution matches one reason clearly.
coherence cohesion
Group similar ideas together and avoid repeat ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task achievement
You answer both parts of the question: reasons and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your main ideas are easy to follow in most parts.
task achievement
You use examples in both body parts.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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