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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the number of tourists to Australia 🇩đŸ‡ș from three countries in 1995 and 2005, and the types of travels between 1995 and 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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he
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The
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 bar graph compares how many
tourists
Use synonyms
 from three developed countries visit
to
Change preposition
apply
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Australia
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 from 1995 to
2005
Punctuation problem
2005,
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while
Linking Words
,
Correct determiner usage
the
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 line graph illustrates
types
Correct article usage
the types
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 of accommodation they selected for the tour.
Linking Words
overall
Fix capitalization
Overall
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, in 1995, the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
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travelled
Correct pronoun usage
who travelled
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 to
Australia
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 were from Japan,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of people from
US
Correct article usage
the US
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 and the UK were almost similar. Backpacking remained the most popular option
of
Change preposition
for
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tourists
Use synonyms
. In 1995,
Australia
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 was
most
Correct article usage
the most
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favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 travel destination of
travelellers
Correct your spelling
travellers
 from Japan, with approximately 1,500,000 people
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 the least
number
Use synonyms
 of overseas
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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 were from the USA
well
Punctuation problem
, well
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 under 600,000. After a decade, the UK and the USA shared almost similar numbers
well
Punctuation problem
, well
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 over 1,400,000
visitors
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. In
contast
Correct your spelling
contrast
, the least
number
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 of foreign
visitors
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 were from Japan, with 1,000,000
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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 in 2005. In terms of
type
Correct article usage
the type
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 of
travels
Check wording
travel
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, backpacking remained
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 popular method of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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touring to
Australia
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 between 1995
to
Correct word choice
and
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 2005.
This
Linking Words
number
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 started with just over 1,500,000 travelers by backpacking.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, staying in resorts was less common, which accounted witless than 500,000
tourists
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. The
number
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 of
visitors
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 who stayed in resorts steadily increased from 500,000 to over 1,000,000 non-native
visitors
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tourists, australia, number, visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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