Many people around the world spend the majority of their free time at home watching TV shows. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

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Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
from around the world choose most of their free
time
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by watching
Wrong verb form
to watch
show examples
TV
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shows at
home
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. I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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this
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activity has benefits
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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also
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certain drawbacks that can be ignored.
This
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essay will explore both advantages and disadvantages.
To begin
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with, one major advantage is
accesibility
Correct your spelling
accessibility
.
People
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do not need to go outside just to find
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
, these
people
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can find a variety of shows or movies to choose
.
Change preposition
from.
show examples
For instance
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, if there is a worker
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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who
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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not have much free
time
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, energy, and money to go outside, just
only
Rephrase
apply
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to
get
Verb problem
have
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some fun. Watching
TV
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will definitely be the perfect option that they can get, because it
very
Verb problem
is very
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accesible
Correct your spelling
accessible
.
As a result
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,
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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do not have much
time
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to go outside will
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
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from watching
TV
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at
home
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.
While
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
there
is a
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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certain benefits from
this
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situation, there
also
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drawbacks that can be ignored. A major concern is health problems. If
people
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constanly watching
TV
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every single day with no other activities, their
body
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bodies
show examples
will become stiff and sore. It
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also can damaged they
Correct word order
can also damage their
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eyes because of the screentime.
For instance
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, if a person
obsessed
Verb problem
is obsessed
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with korean drama that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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more than 24 episodes, they need a big amount of
time
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to
finished
Wrong verb form
finish
show examples
it, and most
people
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choose to do a marathon
in watching
Wrong verb form
to watch
show examples
their
favourites
Replace the word
favourite
dramas.
This
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will
damaging
Wrong verb form
damage
show examples
their eyes and their body because there is no movement
while
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watching it.
Therefore
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, watching
TV
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at
home
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also
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had
Wrong verb form
has
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disadvantages that can be ignored, because it can affect human health problems.
To sum up
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,
currently
Add a comma
currently,
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many
people
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choose
most
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to spend most
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of their free
time
Use synonyms
to watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
at
home
Use synonyms
.
However
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,
this
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situation
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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to some benefits
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is accesibility
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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certain drawbacks that can be ignored
Punctuation problem
, which
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which is
Change preposition
such as
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health problems.

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task response
For task response, answer the question more fully. You talk about one good point and one bad point, but your ideas are quite basic. Add one more clear idea for each side if you can.
task response
For task response, use clearer examples. Your examples are related, but they are not always easy to follow. Make each example short and direct.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good. But some sentences are hard to follow because the grammar is weak. Try to make shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, link your ideas in a simpler way. You use some link words like 'To begin with' and 'To sum up', but some parts feel repetitive. Use simple links like 'First', 'Also', 'However', and 'So'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, develop each main point more clearly. The main idea is there, but support is not always strong or well explained.
task response
For task response, you answered both sides of the question: advantages and disadvantages.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are relevant to the topic, especially easy access and health problems.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, paragraphing is clear, and this helps the reader follow your essay.
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