IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Part 2: The tendency for human beings to copy one another is shown in the popularity of fashion in clothes and other consumer goods. Do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 contemporary world, competition among
people
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 has already peaked significantly.
People
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 try their best to be more attractive or better.
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While
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I agree that the core driving factor is that
people
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 have a passion to compete and achieve a higher social status. On the one hand, the fashion industry thrives because of its popularity and the interest of its lovely customers.
For instance
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, if they release a new product, individuals try to integrate with the group of
people
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 who already have
this
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 product.
This
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 can be exemplified
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the well-known company called Apple. Every year, millions of
people
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 eagerly wait to buy new stuff from their brand as it's one of the most widespread and prevalent companies. Whether
this
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 product is necessary or not, they seamlessly purchase it as soon as possible.
In other words
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, social media has the biggest contribution towards
this
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 trend, as influencers show off their wealthy lifestyle, making ordinary
people
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 even more jealous.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 not only copy others, but
also
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 try to outdo by acquiring the latest, unique or most expensive version of the trend. If someone is better than them, they immediately try to retain their status. For them, reputation is more important than comfort. In some cases, they might just be a fan of some particular clothing brand, they partially think about admiration, but the core aim is to purchase something that they prefer. In conclusion, competition among
people
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 has a large contribution towards popularity of companies. But, the most essential thing is to be trendy or unique in society

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task response
State your main answer more clearly in the first paragraph. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each body paragraph and explain it more fully.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more clearly with simple words like first, also, however, and therefore.
task response
Make your last paragraph fully match your main opinion from the start.
task response
Give one more clear example to support your second body paragraph.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about fashion and consumer goods.
coherence and cohesion
You use a clear essay shape with introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
The Apple example is relevant and easy to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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