IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the use of mobiles (cell) phones should be banned in public places such as in libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 have become an essential part of modern life, enabling people to communicate instantly and access information wherever they are.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some individuals argue that their
use
Use synonyms
 should be prohibited in public places
such
Linking Words
 as libraries, shops, and on public transport. I largely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because unrestricted
phone
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 can disturb others and compromise safety,
although
Linking Words
 limited and considerate
use
Use synonyms
 should still be permitted. On the one hand, banning mobile
phone
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 in certain public settings would significantly reduce noise and improve the experience of those sharing the same space. Libraries are designed to provide a quiet environment for reading and studying, and even brief
phone
Use synonyms
 conversations can interrupt concentration.
Similarly
Linking Words
, loud discussions on buses or trains may annoy passengers who wish to rest, work, or enjoy a peaceful journey. In shops, customers speaking on their
phones
Use synonyms
 often delay queues and distract staff, which can reduce efficiency and inconvenience others. By restricting
phone
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 in these places, authorities could promote greater respect for the public and create a more comfortable atmosphere. Another compelling reason to limit mobile
phone
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 is the issue of safety and privacy. Individuals absorbed in their devices may fail to notice important announcements, traffic hazards, or suspicious activity. On public transport,
this
Linking Words
 distraction can lead to missed stops or accidental injuries when boarding and leaving vehicles.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 can be used to record videos or take photographs without consent, potentially violating the privacy of other people. Regulations that discourage unnecessary
phone
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 would
therefore
Linking Words
 help protect both personal security and individual rights.
However
Linking Words
, a complete ban would be neither practical nor desirable. Mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 are indispensable in emergencies, allowing people to contact family members, medical services, or the police. They are
also
Linking Words
 useful for navigation, mobile payments, and accessing digital tickets.
Consequently
Linking Words
, rather than imposing an absolute prohibition, governments and transport authorities should encourage responsible
use
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as switching devices to silent mode and avoiding lengthy or loud conversations. In conclusion, I strongly agree that mobile
phone
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 should be restricted in public places where noise, distraction, and privacy concerns affect others.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, because these devices serve important practical purposes, the most effective approach is to regulate their
use
Use synonyms
 sensibly rather than ban them altogether.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task response, your answer is clear and you give your opinion from the start. To get a higher score, add one more very clear real life example.
task response
For task response, you answer all parts of the question well. You can make your position even stronger by showing exactly how much you agree in one short line.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and each paragraph has one main idea. To improve, use a few linking words in a more natural way and do not repeat the same pattern too much.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your ideas are well ordered. To get a higher score, make some topic sentences more direct and shorter.
task response
Task response is strong because you fully answer the question and keep the same opinion through the whole essay.
task response
Task response is good because your reasons are relevant and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion is strong because the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion is good because your linking between ideas is smooth and easy to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • distraction
  • concentration
  • noise pollution
  • emergencies
  • individual freedoms
  • infringe
  • courteous behavior
  • regulation
  • permissible
  • enforce
  • disruption
  • public transport
  • public spaces
  • notifications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: