IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays more and more information and resources related to arts and entertainment are being digitized. Do the advantages of this trend outweight the disandvantages?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The
art
Use synonyms
 and
entertainment
Use synonyms
digitalization
Change the spelling
digitalisation
show examples
 has become an increasingly debated issue in modern society. It is obvious that there are positive and negative aspects of
this
Linking Words
 trend.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both the merits and demerits of
art
Use synonyms
 and
entertainment
Use synonyms
 resources available online and evaluate whether one
outweights
Wrong verb form
outweighs
show examples
 the other. It is undeniable that there are some advantages of digital
art
Use synonyms
 and
entertainment
Use synonyms
, because online resources are more affordable to
purchase
Punctuation problem
purchase,
show examples
Linking Words
as well as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 it is faster to find. Nowadays,
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 struggles with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of time, so digital options are preferred for most of them. Some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young people do not pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 offline experience in some points. They may choose price and
accesebility
Correct your spelling
accessibility
 over the traditional way of
entertainment
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, online products cause a huge impact on a human’s mind. Recent studies of American University in Florida found that people can barely focus on reading, watching movies or doing hobbies. The main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem is that
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
 we use digital products less we are able to
be concentrated
Wrong verb form
concentrate
show examples
 on a process of doing something. Online creations have stolen people’s attention. Taking everything into consideration, there are bright and dark sides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 digital
art
Use synonyms
 and
entertainment
Use synonyms
. Being able to read books or observe
painting
Check wording
paintings
show examples
 online may be
a quick
Replace the word
quicker
 and
cheap rather
Replace the word
cheaper
 than going to a gallery or buying stuff in shops.
However
Linking Words
, the other side of the coin
,
Verb problem
is
show examples
 that digital stuff may
affect harmfully on
Correct word order
harmfully affect
show examples
 a person’s brain. Which is, perhaps, one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 most painful side
affects
Use the right word
effects
show examples
 of
online
Correct article usage
the online
show examples
 world'

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a more clear answer all through the essay. You ask if the good sides are more than the bad sides, so say your view in the introduction and keep it clear in the body and end.
task response
Add one or two more specific examples to support your main ideas. This will make your points stronger and more real.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more. Some points are good, but they stop too soon and need fuller support.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some parts connect well, but a few sentences feel hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main idea, then explain it and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because some lines are not easy to understand and this affects flow.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and try to give a final view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking phrases like 'On the other hand' and 'Taking everything into consideration'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: