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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The grown of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

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It has been observed that
,
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 the growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing.
Although
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 some
people
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 believe that online shopping could be better and easier,
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while other
Correct word choice
others
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people
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 think the opposite.
To begin
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 with, shopping online has gained a
lot
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 of notice lately.
In other words
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, shopping on the internet has made life so much easier and faster.
People
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 who can't go out or who live in a small town with not a
lot
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 of choices, they could just open their laptops or phones and pick what they want and add it to their basket, and it will take a couple of days to arrive. How easy is that
.
Change the punctuation
?
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In addition
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, purchasing stuff on the internet is cheaper.
For example
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, you could find whatever you want with a bunch of choices without having to drive to the
store
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 or the mall and waste gas.
On the other hand
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, online shopping could lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. It is possible to say that stores in town could lose their jobs if all
people
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 shop online.
Moreover
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, I would suggest that all stores have a website to sell their products too, not just in a
store
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 shopping. I think it will have a
lot
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 of increase in their sales. In conclusion, there is no easy answer to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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. I tend to believe that online purchasing is not a terrible idea.
i
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I
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 think
people
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 should do what they prefer. And I
also
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 believe that there are a
lot
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 of
people
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 who prefer going to the
store
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instead
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 of going on the internet. So maybe there is no harmful effect on the
store
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 owners.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph. Say if you agree or disagree, and keep this same view in the whole essay.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain why online shopping may grow, and why shops may still stay open.
task response
Use one or two clear examples. Your gas example is useful, but you need more direct support for your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one main idea only. Now some ideas are mixed and this makes the essay less easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some parts like 'On balance, however.' are not complete and break the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence joining. Some sentences are too long or joined with commas, so the meaning is not always clear.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the essay has a full basic shape.
task response
You give some real ideas about ease, speed, and lower cost of online shopping.
task response
The essay stays on the topic of online shopping and shops in towns and cities.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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