IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The use of cell phones while driving should be strictly forbidden. to what extent do you agree or disagree

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Introduction
It is
widel
Correct your spelling
widely
 held that, Nowadays authorities should
stricly
Correct your spelling
strictly
 ban utilization of cell
phones
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 driving. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, as
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe the use of the
phone
Use synonyms
 can
cause
Use synonyms
 distraction that would lead to dangerous consequences
given
Punctuation problem
, given
show examples
 that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of accidents happen
while
Linking Words
 using the
phones
Use synonyms
.
Body · 1
On one hand,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 usage of
phones
Use synonyms
 in general could
cause
Use synonyms
 distraction
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
 the
drivers
Check wording
driver's
show examples
 most important
responsbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 is to focus on the road and surroundings.
Linking Words
This
Correct word order
However, this
show examples
However
Linking Words
 could lead to serious accidents that may
cause
Use synonyms
 death for both
conductor
Correct article usage
the conductor
show examples
or
Correct word choice
and
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 the passengers or other drivers as well
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 worst cases
, that's
Punctuation problem
. That's
show examples
 why
this
Linking Words
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 should be
stricly
Correct your spelling
strictly
 forbidden.
Body · 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
It's
Fix capitalization
it's
show examples
 equally important to consider
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 usage of
phones
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 driving could be necessary. Emergencies and road rages could happen
any
Change preposition
at any
show examples
 moment,
this
Linking Words
 requires the
usage
Replace the word
use
 of
Use synonyms
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
 to call for help,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 many cases
while
Linking Words
 speeding .
it
Fix capitalization
It
show examples
 is
therefore
Linking Words
 evident that drivers sometimes must be
reckles
Correct your spelling
reckless
 and use the
phone
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while
Linking Words
 driving.
Conclusion
In conclusion,I
Firmly
Fix capitalization
firmly
show examples
 agree that the
utilizing
Replace the word
use
 of
Use synonyms
phone
Check wording
phones
show examples
 should be banned,
althought
Correct your spelling
although
 the use of cell
phones
Use synonyms
 is sometimes important. I believe that it's the main
cause
Use synonyms
 of distraction that could lead to fatal accidents .

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task response
Make your main view fully clear in all parts. You say strong yes, but one body part gives a reason for phone use, so your view feels mixed.
task response
Add one or two clear real examples to support your ideas, such as a driver looking at a phone and missing a red light.
task response
Explain each main idea more. Tell how phone use takes the driver’s eyes, hands, and mind away from the road.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: intro, one body part for why phones are dangerous, one body part for the only rare exception, then conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some lines jump fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and punctuation. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear main side: you agree with the ban.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay uses basic linking words like 'On one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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