IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to the University. While others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In modern days, there are a variety of definitions for
success
Use synonyms
--some believe that it means gaining popularity and reputation,
while
Linking Words
 some believe that it is rather internal
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 than external standards. Since
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 degree is not a must in order to thrive, I agree to a low extent that entering
university
Use synonyms
 is the only key to
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
 it. Admittedly,
univeristy
Correct your spelling
university
 education can pave the way for certain types of
success
Use synonyms
. For careers in medicine, law, or
enginerring
Correct your spelling
engineering
,
teritary
Correct your spelling
tertiary
 degrees are non-negotiable. Universities
also
Linking Words
 provide structured learning and access to resources that help students grow.
Statistis
Correct your spelling
Statistics
 consistently show that graduates earn higher average salaries compared to those who never went to
University
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, for those who define
succcess
Correct your spelling
success
 as financial security,
Use synonyms
University
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 does provide a better opportunity for them to thrive.
However
Linking Words
, insisting that
university
Use synonyms
 is the only way to
success
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 ignores countless
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 of
success
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 achieved through alternative routes. Jobs like
enterpreneurs
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
 and artists may require little to no
teritary
Correct your spelling
tertiary
 education. Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg are highly achieved--they all dropped out of
university
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, but
this
Linking Words
 decision did not stop them from shining--they redefined global industries.
Similarly
Linking Words
, chefs and eletericians earn comfortable livings despite their work
do
Verb problem
apply
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not
require
Wrong verb form
requiring
show examples
 any
university
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 knowledge. These paths to achievement rely on factors
such
Linking Words
 as self-discipline, creativity and problem-solving skills, which are not exclusively
link
Wrong verb form
linked
show examples
 to
university
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 admission.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
success
Use synonyms
 depends more on personal attributes than on a degree. Hard work and emotional
intellience
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 frequently outweigh academic qualifications in the real world. An individual who skips
university
Use synonyms
 but constantly
upgrade
Correct subject-verb agreement
upgrades
show examples
 himself with different skills may achieve more than what a lazy
university
Use synonyms
 student
earn
Correct subject-verb agreement
earns
show examples
. With dedication, anyone can thrive--everyone can reach the top of the ladder. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
university
Use synonyms
 can be a valuable path for specific careers, it is far from the only route to
success
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.
Ulitmately
Correct your spelling
Ultimately
,
success
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 is multi-faceted, and the best
pat
Correct your spelling
path
 depends on an individual's goals and dedication rather than holding a degree.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you agree to a low extent, but later your ideas sound close to full disagreement.
task response
Add one more line to explain why your examples prove your point. This will make your ideas more full.
task response
Be careful with very broad lines like everyone can reach the top. This sounds too general and not fully real.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, like Admittedly, However, Moreover, and In conclusion. Keep using clear link words.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and packed with many ideas. Break them into 2 shorter sentences for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Check small links inside sentences. A few parts feel hard to follow because of word form or grammar problems.
task response
You answer the question all the way through and stay on topic.
task response
You use strong examples like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and match your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, so the essay is easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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