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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that social media has a negative effect on society, while others think it improves communication between people. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Social
media
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 has become a major part of modern life.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that it has harmful effects on society, others argue that it improves
communication
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 between individuals.
This
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 essay will discuss both views before giving my opinion. On the one hand, social
media
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 can negatively affect
people
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 in several ways.
Firstly
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, many individuals spend too much time online, which reduces face-to-face
communication
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.
As a result
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, relationships between family members and friends may become weaker.
In addition
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, children are sometimes exposed to inappropriate content,
such
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 as violent news or harmful ideas, at a very young age.
This
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 can affect their mental health and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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.
Furthermore
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, some
people
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 become addicted to social
media
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 and spend less time on productive activities.
On the other hand
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, social
media
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 has greatly improved
communication
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 around the world.
People
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 can now easily stay in touch with relatives and friends who live abroad.
For example
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, students studying in different countries can communicate instantly and share knowledge with each other. Social
media
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also
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 allows
people
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 to learn about different cultures and access educational information quickly. Compared to the past,
communication
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 today is faster, easier, and more convenient. In conclusion,
although
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 social
media
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 has some negative effects, I believe that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
However
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,
people
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 should use it in a balanced and responsible way.

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task response
For task response: your answer gives both sides and your view, so this is good. To get a higher score, add one more clear and full idea for each side.
task response
For task response: your example about students is relevant, but it is a bit general. Try to give a more real and specific example.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your essay is easy to follow and each paragraph has a clear job. To improve more, link some ideas inside the body paragraphs in a smoother way.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: some points are listed well, but a few ideas could be developed more before you move to the next point.
task response
For task response: you answered all parts of the question and gave your opinion clearly in the end.
task response
For task response: your ideas are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: you used simple linking words like 'Firstly', 'In addition', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' well.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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