IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less.

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This
Linking Words
 is an interesting topic.
Sugar based
Correct your spelling
Sugar-based
 items are playing an important role in our society
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 among school students.
Everyday
Replace the word
Every day
 we can see new
brand
Check wording
brands
show examples
 and items
poping
Use the right word
popping
show examples
 up in grocery stores. I strongly
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that social media plays a
crutial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 role in promoting
such
Linking Words
drinks
Use synonyms
 espically among
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 society. I have seen advertisements and postures every
corners
Fix the agreement mistake
corner
show examples
 we go. These
companies
Use synonyms
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not have a positive
moto
Correct your spelling
motto
 for the
products
Use synonyms
 they are selling. Especially in europe the
goventment
Correct your spelling
government
 has made strict rules to avoid
cetrain
Correct your spelling
certain
 chemicals, and still the
companies
Use synonyms
 are using the same
ingrediant
Correct your spelling
ingredient
 or a
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 element to compansate with the restricted chemical. The primary objective of these
companies
Use synonyms
 is to stay
compitent
Correct your spelling
competitive
 in their market. For
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they bring
band
Use the right word
brand
show examples
 new
products
Use synonyms
 in fancy names. Not only
that
Verb problem
do
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 they need all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of consumers, For
instinct
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instance
show examples
, the huge
companies
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also
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focuses
Correct subject-verb agreement
focus
show examples
 on athletic humans and
also
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 people who care about their
heath
Correct your spelling
health
. So
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 know they are
minority
Correct article usage
a minority
show examples
 of people who do not use
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 product
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they need
a need
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apply
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an item or a drink for that specific group of
peopl
Correct your spelling
people
, who
cares
Correct subject-verb agreement
care
show examples
 about their health. So the solution they came up with is Diet
drinks
Use synonyms
 or no sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
. Which is even
worser
Correct your spelling
worse
 than the normal drink. The reason for saying worser is
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they add all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of artificial ingredients to the drink, to make it more
tastier
Replace the word
tasty
 and more energetic. Think for a
second,
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how many people actually read and understand what
all ingrediants
Correct your spelling
ingredients
 are
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in the edible
products
Use synonyms
 they are consuming. The results will be less than 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. You can see on a Diet Redbull ca, there are several chemicals included that we never
known
Wrong verb form
knew
show examples
 or heard about. We cannot stop
this
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.
Only
Correct article usage
The only
show examples
 thing we can do is to control the use of
such
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 unhealthy
drinks
Use synonyms
. For
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 we need to start from the base. which is from school. To
make an
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 awareness among school students. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
that is
Linking Words
 the best spot to start
againts
Correct your spelling
against
such
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products
Use synonyms
. So
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
for that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
schools should conduct seminars and lectures about all the topics that are inappropriate for a healthy
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
. In conclusion i would strongly
recomed
Correct your spelling
recommend
 everyone to depend on natural and clean edible
products
Use synonyms
 and make a life worth
living
Punctuation problem
living,
show examples
 healthy

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly: reasons and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part, then explain it well.
task response
Give clear examples that directly match your main point.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, because, so, and finally.
task response
Do not add ideas that move away from the question.
coherence cohesion
Make each paragraph have a clear topic sentence.
task response
You have a clear opinion about the problem.
coherence cohesion
You included both an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to give real-world examples.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar-based
  • drinks
  • taste
  • refreshing
  • enjoyable
  • marketing
  • advertise
  • cool
  • desirable
  • energy
  • tired
  • boost
  • social events
  • gatherings
  • parties
  • celebrations
  • choose
  • quick
  • common
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