IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It’s becoming more and more popular to have a year off between graduating the school and entering the University. Point out the advantages and disadvantages of this.

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It is true that nowadays
students
Use synonyms
 argue a lot about taking a gap
year
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 after high school
which
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, which
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 has benefits
such
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 as taking a mental rest,
besides
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 the disadvantages of losing motivation to study to be taken into consideration before deciding whether or not to take a
year
Use synonyms
 off. On the one hand, there are many advantages, the most important of which is that
students
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 will gain a mental break from studying. We often hear from teachers how critical brain rest is.
This
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 is mainly because teenagers will be allowed to
travell
Correct your spelling
travel
 to discover new cultures, explore things they are likely
have
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to have
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 not seen before.
As a result
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from
Change preposition
of
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this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
students
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, students
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 might
came
Wrong verb form
come
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 back after the break with new energy and a massive enthusiasm towards studying, which is a significant upside.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, one of the biggest drawbacks is that
students
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 may lose motivation to complete their university
.
Check wording
studies.
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This
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 is because of the dramatic fun and the high level of dopamine they have
exposed
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been exposed
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 to.
Consequently
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, they might enter a loop called " the rest zone
"
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",
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of which there are no exit doors
there
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apply
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.
As a consequence
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, they will probably regret their decision to take a
year
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 break and wish they had been advised by an older, wiser and expert person ,
such
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 as their parents. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
, personally I firmly believe that the downside of taking a
year
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 gap is definitely greater than the upside, because these days qualifications are determine onn what life conditions you will live

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about good and bad points, but the ideas are still a bit short.
task response
Add one more clear example for each main point. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to believe.
task response
Make your final view more clear and complete. The last sentence is hard to follow and has language errors.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler and more natural links between ideas, such as 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'in the end'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check long phrases that sound unclear, because they break the flow of your writing.
task response
You clearly discuss both the good side and the bad side of taking a gap year.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow in most parts.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gap year
  • Personal growth
  • Self-discovery
  • Work experience
  • Volunteering
  • CV (Curriculum Vitae)
  • Job market
  • Career path
  • Academic momentum
  • Structured educational setting
  • Financial cost
  • Cultural awareness
  • Broaden perspective
  • Productive use
  • Clear plan
  • Set objectives
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