IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Educating young people is naturally important. However, some think governments ought to invest more education for adults in need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Opinions are divided on whether the government should allocate funding mainly to youth or grown-ups.
While
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 a host of factors depict that investment in the young generation has beneficial sides, I believe allocating money on
education
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 of both children and adults is essential and
also
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 efficient. I partially agree with that statement, because
education
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 should be equitable in society. These days, paying attention mainly to the children’s schooling, the government is providing more curricular materials, modern
equipments
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equipment
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. These features help them to observe lessons more efficiently
,
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and
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 improve their knowledge. Professional teachers are being hired in order to provide well-informed
education
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. These core-driven factors contribute significantly to the knowledge of the young generation .
Additionally
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, if youth are educated normally, it helps them to achieve a successful career in the future, improving the revenue of the country.
On the other hand
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, if mature members of society get specific tertiary
education
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, the revenue of the country
also
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 skyrockets. In
this
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 contemporary world, many adults find it difficult to adapt to the new cutting-edge technological devices, as they hadn’t used them when they were younger.
However
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, every occupation requires knowledge about devices, meaning that they are not seamlessly hired for the job because of these problems. Without access to
education
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, individuals will fail to integrate into the modern workforce. It should be noted that huge sums are not required to teach them as they only study for a specific field, not every subject
as
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, as
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 children
.
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do.
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 Only a professional tutor and discipline are
demanded
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required
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. In conclusion, educational access for all age groups is important as it provides a variety of opportunities.
While
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 the government has to distribute money equally to both groups, there should be no specific focus on only one collective

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say both sides are important, but your answer to the question is not fully direct.
task response
Add one or two clear real examples to support your points. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain your main ideas more deeply. Some points are good, but they need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. Some sentences connect well, but some feel a bit sudden.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one clear main idea. This will help the essay feel more smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow and word choice. A few parts are hard to follow because of grammar and phrasing.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is mostly easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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