Mobile phones and the Internet could have many benefits for old people. However, this age group uses technology the least. What are the benefits for old people of using mobile phones and the Internet? How can we encourage them to use this new
The predicament of the elderly in social skills has gradually emerged as the ageing degree of society deepens.
This
issue, according to
research conducted by Peking Normal University, is partly due to
the so-called "social contact vacuum", which refers to confining one's daily contact to family members or relatives and hence
becoming progressively isolated, and this
phenomenon is usually observed in the elderly who have retired. However
, if they can fully utilise mobile phones and the Internet, their social sphere can be significantly extended, not only to their relatives but also
to people sharing hobbies or feelings. When accompanied by individuals with whom the elderly have sharing impulses, they can get rid of the haunting loneliness that often exists in an ageing society.
However
, precisely as Max's inscription says, what is more important than what is right is how to do it. Since it is beneficial for old people to use mobile phones, the government should take practical and effective measures to actualise this
concept. One plausible approach is to support the establishment of NGOs, which have been validated effective by Western countries as a useful helper in popularising electronic devices among the elderly. A compelling example is seen in Canada, where an NGO called "Be Your Eyes" is committed to teaching old people suffering from cataracts how to use the reading mode built into smartphones, which has significantly facilitated these old patients in electronic payment and building social interactions.
In summary, the popularity of mobile phones and the Internet contribute to mitigating the elderly's loneliness. But to achieve this
desirable effect, the government might need to trust specific actions to NGOs, which are demonstrated helpers in this
field.Submitted by hx88375757 on
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coherence cohesion
To further improve the coherence, make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties back to your main argument.
task achievement
You could enhance the task response by considering additional societal or governmental solutions beyond NGOs.
language
Try to vary sentence structures to keep the reader engaged and to convey complexity in your ideas.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the benefits of mobile phones and the Internet for the elderly by extending their social connections and reducing loneliness.
task achievement
Solid examples, like the Canadian NGO "Be Your Eyes," provide strong support to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with a strong introduction and a well-supported conclusion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite