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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Development in technology has brought various environmental problems. Some believe that people need to live simpler lives to solve environmental problems. Others, however, believe technology is the way to solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays, the rapid adoption of
technology
Use synonyms
 has brought many drawbacks.
Moreover
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, many concerned individuals believe that we should live more
simple
Replace the word
simply
 in order to solve environmental problems,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that
technology
Use synonyms
 is the best way to address
this
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 problem. Before I comment on my decision, both views will be
analyzed
Change the spelling
analysed
show examples
.
Body · 1
On the one hand, the increasing development of technological innovation can solve several problems,
this
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 is mainly because it makes mankind more rational and practical.
For instance
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, the agricultural sector got an enormous benefit out of it, the genetic modifications in some crops
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for
Punctuation problem
, for
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 GMOs corn or
rice
Punctuation problem
rice,
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 can protect their crops from various harmful insects.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 can
invest
Verb problem
provide
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 more opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 sustainability
though
Use the right word
through
show examples
 the internet by introducing people to various ways to conserve the environment,
for example
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 World Wildlife Fund (WWF)
one
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, one
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 of the most
recognizable
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recognisable
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 charities focused on wildlife conservation and habitat protection.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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, numerous people support the idea that simply living might protect our
mother earth
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Mother Earth
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. Many
cars
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 industry introduced more types of
cars
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such
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 as Hybrid a vehicle that combines a traditional internal combustion engine with an electric motor and battery, improving fuel efficiency,
however
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this
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technology
Use synonyms
 still pollute a lot of bad airs, and it is extremely expensive to maintenance,
additionally
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 chargeable
cars
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 are already avaible “Tesla” the most well-known autonomic
cars
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 of all time, alternatively it is still undependable, it can easily cause an big car accident without proper guidance.
As well as
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 the increasing number of roads and high-rise building has been constructed for convenience and prosperity, causing severe damage to the environment, a clear example is Bangkok, the
center
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centre
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 of Thailand, where very few spaces are left for planting trees or even pathways for dogs to walk on
,
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.
show examples
In
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addition
Punctuation problem
addition,
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 constructive activities disturb nature and ecosystems as construction workers destroy natural habitat, turning
Body · 3
them into the luxurious roads and highways
Conclusion
To conclude
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, in my opinion,
technology
Use synonyms
 can help solve environmental problems,
whereas
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 citizens need to be more conscious and use it responsibly so that it not only serves our needs but
also
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 protects our environment and natural habitat.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the side about simple life is not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea in each body paragraph very clear at the start.
coherence and cohesion
Use shorter sentences. Some long sentences are hard to follow.
task response
Add one clear example for the simple life side, not only car examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like on the one hand, on the other hand, for example, and therefore.
task response
Check that each example directly supports the point before it.
task response
You discuss both views and you give your own opinion in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use some real world examples like WWF, Bangkok, and Tesla.
coherence and cohesion
The overall order of ideas is easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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