IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days, more and more people prefer to use shared transport such as buses, trams or carsharing applications on their smartphones rather than driving their own cars. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Currently, there is segnficent incrasing in demanding on bublic transprots rather than driving cars.
Although
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this
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 trend can cause increasing
demand
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 on public transprts which can leed inhanceing the
cost
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 of using these sources, it will lead to
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
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 decrease in
traffic
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 jam which will result in lower pllotion afterwords.
Body · 1
On one hand, the main
drawbacks
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drawback
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 for
this
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 cause is
there
Correct word choice
that there
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 will be a huge
demand
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 for public
transport
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. Since there will be many
public
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people
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 who need to use
this
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 public
transport
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, there will be too many
people
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 using the same vichals in the same time .
As a result
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 of that, there will be too crawed that will reduce the quality of
this
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 public resource . Another major drawback is that the
cost
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 of using
this
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 source will
increase
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 . When there is higher
demand
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 for limitted thing ,the
cost
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 must
increase
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 to reduce the
demand
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, in order to maintain the quality of the service.
For example
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, in China, the public
transport
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 company in 2022 increased the
cost
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 for the publi transports in order to lower the number of
people
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 using it.
However
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 , I believe
this
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 trend has more advantages than
its
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apply
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disadvantages .
Body · 2
On the other hand
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 ,
this
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 trend has specific benefits
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such
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, such
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 as
it will reduce the
Wrong verb form
reducing
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traffic
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jam
Check wording
jams
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 on the streets . When there are many
people
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 using public
transport
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, the number of private vehicles will be much lower .
As a result
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 of that, the
traffic
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 in streets will reduce. The second main benefit is that
air
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 pollution will decrease. Since cars' gases pollute the
air
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 ,tending to use public
transport
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 will reduce
numbers
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the number
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 of cars on the street.
This
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 results in decreasing the amount of dirty gas in the
air
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 and polluting it .
For instance
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 ,in
Korea
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Korea,
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 the amount of
air
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 pollution is much lower than in other Asian countries , because of the huge
tending in using
Replace the word
tendency to use
 public transports from its population.
Therefore
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 ,I believe the benefits of using public
transport
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 are more than its drawbacks .
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 the
increase
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 in using public
transport
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 can lead to increse the number of
people
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 using them,it will lead to a reduction in the quality of the service and will
increase
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 the
cost
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 of using them .It can reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic
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 jams and
air
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 pollution.
Therefore
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, I believe its advantages outweigh its drawbacks .

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly in the first paragraph. Say early that the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Develop each main point with one clear reason and one short example. Some ideas are there, but they need more support.
task response
Use examples that sound more clear and more direct. The China and Korea examples help, but they need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and keep the order easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words like 'however', 'therefore', and 'as a result' should connect ideas in a smooth way.
coherence and cohesion
Check repeated ideas and repeated words. This will make the essay flow better.
task response
You answered both sides and gave your opinion clearly in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are easy to see: cost and crowding as bad points, traffic and air as good points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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