IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that too much money and time have been allocated to scientific research. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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contemporary
society
Use synonyms
, the enhancement of science
technology
Correct word choice
and technology
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 has brought dramatic changes to people’s lives,
while
Linking Words
 some people think that too much
money
Use synonyms
 and
time
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been allocated to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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scientific
researches
Check wording
research
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. As far as I’m concerned, I fully oppose
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint.
Body · 1
Admittedly, allocating
money
Use synonyms
 and
time
Use synonyms
 to scientific
researches
Check wording
research
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 includes problems of
cannot
Verb problem
not
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improve
Verb problem
being able to improve
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 people’s lives instantly.
However
Linking Words
, the long-term influences of scientific
researches
Check wording
research
show examples
 shouldn’t be neglected.First and foremost, costing
time
Use synonyms
 and
money
Use synonyms
 in scientific
researches
Check wording
research
show examples
 can motivate the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
Use synonyms
. To be more specific, from the long-term aspect, allocating
time
Use synonyms
 and capital
on
Change preposition
to
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 scientific
researches
Check wording
research
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 continuously can boost the development of science
technology
Correct word choice
and technology
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 that can increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
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productivity and make our daily life more convenient.
For instance
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, before the first industrial revolution,
provided that
Correct word choice
if
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 Watt
didn’t
Wrong verb form
hadn’t
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 spent
time
Use synonyms
 and
money
Use synonyms
 on his research, the steam engine
won’t be
Wrong verb form
would not have been
show examples
 enhanced
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the surge of productivity and transportation
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 England
won’t exist
Wrong verb form
would not have existed
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.
Body · 2
Moreover
Linking Words
, allocating
time
Use synonyms
 and
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 scientific
researches
Check wording
research
show examples
 can enhance national competitiveness. Specifically, as sufficient
time
Use synonyms
 and
money
Use synonyms
 are allocated, the research outcome may lead to a boost in various areas
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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, productivity
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as
military
Correct article usage
the military
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, which are all indispensable fields of judging a nation’s general competitiveness.
For example
Linking Words
, in the
1940s
Punctuation problem
1940s,
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 the breakthrough in nuclear physics of America not only
brings
Wrong verb form
brought
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 it the atomic bomb, but
also
Linking Words
leads
Wrong verb form
led
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 to the
designing
Replace the word
design
 of nuclear power
station
Check wording
stations
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, which
provides
Wrong verb form
provided
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 an approach
of
Change preposition
to
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 handling energy issues.
Body · 3
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 allocating
time
Use synonyms
 and
money
Use synonyms
 on scientific research seems a waste of resources from the short-term aspect,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the benefit it brings in the long-term progress, including the effects on motivating the development of
society
Use synonyms
 and national competitiveness, is revolutionary and
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 its drawbacks.
Conclusion
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contemporary
society
Use synonyms
, the rapid enhancement of technology has brought dramatic convenience to people’s daily communication
by some
Change preposition
through
show examples
 online platforms
such
Linking Words
 as Zoom and Microsoft Teams. It is common for people to choose
communicating
Wrong verb form
to communicate
show examples
 through social media rather than face-to-face. Personally, I argue that the disadvantages of using social media to communicate outweigh the advantages.

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task response
Stay on one topic only. At the end, you added a new topic about social media, so the essay feels not complete.
task response
Make your main idea very clear in each body paragraph. Start with one clear point, then explain it in a simple way.
task response
Give examples, but make sure they are easy to follow and clearly linked to your point.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer overall plan: introduction, body 1, body 2, conclusion. Do not add extra ideas after the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences are too long or hard to follow, so use shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, for example, and in sum.
task response
You give a clear opinion early: you disagree with the idea.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas, such as Watt and nuclear power.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocated
  • advancements
  • innovative
  • initial costs
  • global challenges
  • resilience
  • sustainability
  • knowledge dissemination
  • opportunity cost
  • poverty alleviation
  • balancing funding priorities
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