IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that technology makes people less social, while others believe it helps people communicate better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
English Language Testing
Body · 1
**Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
technology
Use synonyms
 makes
people
Use synonyms
 less social,
while
Linking Words
 others believe it helps
people
Use synonyms
 communicate better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**
Body · 2
In recent years,
technology
Use synonyms
 has become an essential part of daily life.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that modern
technology
Use synonyms
 reduces face-to-face
communication
Use synonyms
 and makes individuals less social, others believe it improves
communication
Use synonyms
 and strengthens relationships.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion.
Body · 3
On the one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
technology
Use synonyms
 negatively affects social interaction. Nowadays, individuals spend a significant amount of time using smartphones, social media, and online platforms
instead
Linking Words
 of communicating directly with others.
For example
Linking Words
, family members often sit together
while
Linking Words
 focusing on their own devices rather than having meaningful conversations.
In addition
Linking Words
, excessive use of social media may reduce real-life friendships and lead to feelings of isolation.
As a result
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 become less confident in face-to-face
communication
Use synonyms
 skills.
Body · 4
On the other hand
Linking Words
, supporters of
technology
Use synonyms
 argue that it has greatly improved
communication
Use synonyms
. Modern applications
such
Linking Words
 as video calls, messaging platforms, and social networks allow
people
Use synonyms
 to stay connected regardless of geographical distance.
For instance
Linking Words
, students studying abroad can easily communicate with their families through video conferencing applications.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 enables
people
Use synonyms
 to build international friendships and share information instantly. During emergencies or global events, online
communication
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 plays a crucial role in connecting communities quickly and efficiently.
Body · 5
In my opinion,
technology
Use synonyms
 itself is neither completely harmful nor entirely beneficial. Its impact depends on how
people
Use synonyms
 use it. If individuals rely excessively on digital
communication
Use synonyms
 and ignore personal relationships,
technology
Use synonyms
 can reduce social interaction.
However
Linking Words
, when used responsibly, it can strengthen
communication
Use synonyms
 and create new opportunities for connection.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 may decrease direct human interaction in some situations, it
also
Linking Words
 provides numerous advantages for global
communication
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, balanced and responsible use of
technology
Use synonyms
 is the best approach.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Add one more clear example for each side to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Your opinion is clear, but you can explain it a little more in the main body, not only near the end.
task response
Some ideas are good but a bit general. Try to add more detail about how and why technology changes social life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more linking words inside paragraphs to show cause and result more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The ending is clear, but you can make the middle paragraphs connect more smoothly with each other.
task response
You answer both views and give your opinion clearly.
task response
Your ideas stay on topic from start to finish.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph is in a good order and easy to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
What to do next:
Look at other essays: