IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Climate change is a big environmental problem that has become critical in the last couple of decades. Some people claim that humans should stop using fossil fuels and use only alternative energy resources, such as wind and solar power. Others say that oil, gas and coal are essential many industries and not using them will lead to economy collapse. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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In recent decades, one of the most pressing issues is climate change which is the result of human fossil fuels usage.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 should be limited or stopped to alleviate environmental problems.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, others believe that oil, gas, and coal are facilities that society needs on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis. On the one hand, individuals should cut down on consuming non-renewable energy sources because it will not only provoke
ecology
Correct article usage
an ecology
show examples
 crisis but
also
Linking Words
 ozone layer depletion.
In addition
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, there will be more severe disasters
such
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 as forest fires and more animals becoming endangered or extinct.
However
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,
instead
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 of using those environmentally harmful materials, individuals can substitute them
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 eco-friendly energies like solar, wind, and hydropower. Even though operating many machines to generate sustainable energy may cost a lot of money, it will definitely play a crucial role in preserving the environment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
almost
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 use fossil-fueled energies in every daily
activities
Change to a singular noun
activity
show examples
 which are essential to power most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
vehicles and machines. Recently,
although
Linking Words
 a few countries have tried to replace fuel cars with electric ones, there are very expensive and rarely any charging ports for them.
Thereupon
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 will not be able to afford electric cars and more
people
Use synonyms
 are willing to buy fuel cars which are much cheaper.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, If humans stop using,
people
Use synonyms
 will not be able to commute to work and factories will stop producing more products that will benefit the general public. In conclusion, it is undeniable that oil, gas, and coal are necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 life but their impact on the environment is extremely negative. So, I personally think that the government must exploit the potential of renewable resources by investing heavily in solar, wind, and hydropower projects in order to reduce the reliance on fossil fuels.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, it is recommended to use more linking phrases and cohesive devices to better connect your ideas between paragraphs. For example, phrases like 'Furthermore', 'On the contrary', and 'As a result' can help maintain the flow.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, provide more specific examples to support your points. This will not only make your arguments more convincing but also demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Consider refining some of your language and sentence structures to make your ideas clearer and more comprehensible. Avoid using overly complex phrases that might confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for maintaining a well-structured argument.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported and cover both viewpoints. This shows a balanced approach to discussing the topic.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task by discussing both views and giving your opinion. This demonstrates a thorough understanding of the prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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